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Pieces
Churchill
22
MAG '21-'22 • July 2021
Winston Churchill, known for all of his political and military accomplishments, was also a Nobel Pr…
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21 • November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
Tuxedo
13
MAS '18 • September 2020
Glad I’ve got someone interested in buying Tuxedo. My father died in this tuxedo, and then it…
Barbershop Quartet
ZDG '20 • January 2020
Lead: Fellas, meet the new fifth member of our quartet–Tom! Bass: Swell to meet ya Tom! Bar…
Taco Tuesday
39
JRD '22-'23 • December 2022
- Can I get two beef tacos please? - Sorry sir, we only …
Vanitas
JLG '21 • October 2020
Dear Judging Committee for the American Society for Magazine Editors, I notice you have not been r…
Non-Confrontational Judge
39
JKF '25 • May 2023
Thank you all so much for showing up to the courthouse this morning, even in the rain. Over the pas…
Costume Party
2
SWR '19-'20 • December 2020
— Hey Brenda how’s it— jesus christ dude! — Ha ha fooled ya. Don’t I…
Late
204
JTK '24 • January 2022
I look down at the watch tattooed on my wrist. It’s 10:00. Fuck. I look up at my wall clock t…
Birthday Card
20
RIP '09 • October 2008
GRANDFATHER: Here’s a card from me. Happy birthday. SON: Thanks, grandpa. MOTHER: Read it a…
My Dog and All My Coworkers’ Dogs All Got Food Poisoning From the Office Dog Food Stash and It Was Really Awful and Sad
16
YMC '21-'22 • September 2021
Monday Me: (crying at desk).Lisa: Sorry to hear about your Maltese dog, Doug. When my su…
The Death of Kenzo Simmons
10
BWM '19-'21 • May 2021
-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death. -Wow, so you mus…
Raised by Wolves
36
LKN '25 • December 2023
-Hello class, today we have a new student. He was raised by wolves. -Hi, everyone. I’m Drew.…
What I Imagine Summer Camp is Like
SVG '18 • December 2020
1. Toodle-ee-doo! The trumpet song wakes me up—time to canoe to breakfast. 2. I eat slop wit…
Advice
4
NSG '20-'22 • January 2020
Listen bro I totally get where you’re coming from, but just remember that next time you point…
Suburban Journaling
49
JKF '25 • December 2023
On summer nights, I would sit by the train tracks. There wasn’t much to do around town except…
BMW
28
EB '24 • May 2022
Tax Collector
56
JGB '25 • May 2022
When it came time for collecting taxes, the tax collector’s only instruction from the robots …
Medical Report
72
EPS '24 •
I have this disease where everyday at 3 am three dudes kick the shit out of me. It started p…
A Retelling of Jaws By Someone Who Has Definitely Seen It
16
FSS '21 • October 2020
Jaws…yes. Jaws is the story of a very big shark. Everyone knows that. Especially those who h…
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