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BWM '19-'21

Literature Board 2021

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The Death of Kenzo Simmons
10
May 2021
-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death.  -Wow, so you mus…
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A Man with a Limp and Three Glass Eyes
December 2020
Who am I? I’m the guy who sits in the bar all day and waits for some tall dark and handsome h…
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Online Quiz
December 2020
Take this short quiz and see if we can guess where you were born! How do you pronounce Mayonnaise?…
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Why I Wish I Was a Green Boy Instead of a Blue Boy
December 2020
I was born a blue boy, but my whole life I’ve wanted to be a big green boy. Green boys get to…
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New Cat
December 2020
So a couple days ago my wife and I decided to restart the old marriage. Seeing as I’m impoten…
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Inspired Musings
December 2020
Scientists say that the murder rate goes up when there is a full moon. But so does the rate of peop…
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My First Crush
November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
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Operation Enduring Freedom
October 2020
George Bush:  Good afternoon. On my orders the United States military has begun coordinated at…
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Crying in the Rain
October 2020
And I mean yeah they can’t see you cry in the rain, but shit right through your pants? People…
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Best Picture
4
October 2020
But just what a year for movies! All my friends tell me, they tell me George Clooney, you love movi…
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Gorilla Larry
16
October 2020
– Woo wooo  eeh  ahhh  wooo  *feeds on stems*. – There he is, what…
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Larry was there.
October 2020
Larry was there. Larry saw the flashes as the troposphere lit on fire, the sounds the bombs made as…
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QUEER ON THE FRONTIER
8
October 2020
Host: Hello and welcome back to Queer on the Frontier: the show that examines cultural representati…
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Krauts
October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…
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Safari
September 2020
“And here you’ll see the world’s fastest animal, the cheetah. A beautiful example…
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Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me
10
September 2020
Peter Sagal: Thaaaanks Bill, it’s the week between Christmas and new years and we here at Wai…
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A Worry
2
March 2020
Sometimes I worry that there is a GMO soybean out to get me.It’s all fucked up and has like w…
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Larry Buys Condoms
20
March 2020
Larry: Hey, can I get some rubbers.  Clerk: Yeah, sure, what kind of johnny you looking for, …
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That Guy
March 2020
-Hey, who is that?-That guy, over there? I don’t know.-He must be pretty important-What makes…
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Measuring the Length of my Penis
15
February 2020
*mmmm* ..    (the tip of my penis extends to the 4 inch mark)    “mmm…
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Opening Line of My Book
February 2020
“Alright everyone… settle down, settle down, if you could all gather round, come a lit…
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New York
9
December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
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Hit, That, Button
10
October 2018
“How you folks doin tonight!?” Wooot, wooooooot! “Coming at you from the city o…