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Pieces

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The Count of Monte Cristo Returns to Marseilles
3
December 2020
Count: People of Marseilles! For twenty years you unfairly imprisoned me. Now behold my immens…
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Dinosaur Story
12
May 2022
Tour Guide: We’ve finally reached the Chicxulub crater, everyone, the site of the explosion t…
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The Woods
53
November 2019
I bring you out here at the end of summer every year. You notice that? My father did the same. My f…
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Rare
December 2020
Some things are less rare than you think. Winning the Lottery My friend Rigley won the lottery ye…
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City Nights, 3029
20
May 2022
It’s Saturday night, and I’m looking for trouble. Shades. Scowl. Leather jacket in all …
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2020 International Video Game Awards Acceptance Speech
10
October 2020
Oh, thank you, really thank you so much. This award…it truly means so much to me. Well, it l…
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Elvis Has Left the Building
3
Robert Carlock '95
November 2020
ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has left the building!” TEENAGE FANS: “(Scream)!” ANNOU…
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A Taste of My Own Medicine
8
October 2020
Most people don’t believe this, but my job wasn’t always swindling terminally-ill peopl…
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Cancun Trip Review
14
I knew spring break in Mexico was going to be fun – but not this fun. Who’d have though…
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May December Romance
54
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
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A Retelling of Jaws By Someone Who Has Definitely Seen It
10
October 2020
Jaws…yes. Jaws is the story of a very big shark. Everyone knows that. Especially those who h…
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Hammurabi
13
July 2021
After the success of his first 282 laws, the Babylonian lawgiver released a less popular but more n…
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My Birth
6
December 2020
Here are some things that might happen when I am born. — The doctor accidentally gives my pa…
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Costume Party
1
December 2020
— Hey Brenda how’s it— jesus christ dude! — Ha ha fooled ya. Don’t I…
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The Time I Got Caught Milking
10
February 2020
One time I was at the farm, milking some cows when Bobby, the guy that owns the farm, comes out run…
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Things To Say If You Want To Join The Cool Table
22
December 2021
Don’t mind me, lemme pull up a chair—backwards. My mom packs me lemon slices instead…
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Exam Locations
6
May 2018
Last Names A- Y: Harding Room 2121 Last Name Zanderson: Arrive at the boarded up Liquor-Max on Was…
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My First Kiss
20
September 2020
I pick up this girl Julia in my car, and I’m doing 90 on Lincoln Avenue, you know, batting ma…
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Hell
1
November 2020
There’s a special place in hell for weird guys who can’t be kept in the regular part of…
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Measuring the Length of my Penis
25
February 2020
*mmmm* ..    (the tip of my penis extends to the 4 inch mark)    “mmm…