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Artwork: ghost
40

Therapy

Author: OMA '24
As seen in: The Mental Health Issue #

  • Okay, Nathan. Now tell me what you see in this picture. 
  • That’s a headshot of you, but your neck is slightly tilted to the right in this one. 
  • Good. And which is more appealing? 
  • The third one, but Doctor, I’m sort of lost in how this will help to diagnose depression. 
  • We’ll get there in due time. You’re probably depressed if I had to guess though. Now, please describe what you see in this film. 
  • I am? (Crying) Oh my gosh. This is even more awful than I could have imagined.
  • Yes, the writing isn’t perfect, but the acting?
  • (In tears) I thought things would get better, man. I’ve tried my best to appreciate the stuff that’s in front of me every minute.  
  • Things do get better, Nathan, in the second act, once you climb the mountain of exposition. But come on, you’ve got to tell me how the pirate actor is doing!
  • (Still sobbing) The pirate looks like you. He’s — you’re doing alright I guess. 
  • What is the pirate actor doing wrong? Help me help you. 
  • He’s overplaying the part. You can tell he’s acting. 
  • Interesting perspective. Do you still think this actor can make it to the big screen?
  • Yes. No…I don’t know. Probably not. (wiping nose) How do I fight this thing, Doctor? 
  • We need to find the root of the problem. Oh, and Prozac will help with the depression. 
  • Hold on, rewind the film. You’re looking at your phone for lines a lot. 
  • Perhaps I was checking on my patients and their various forms of depression, Nathan. 
  • Clearly. You switched mid-scene from an Irish to a Scottish accent. 
  • There are few people who can tell the difference. But I guess they’re all movie critics. 
  • Oh come on, you’re acting out the stage directions one line ahead of the script. 
  • Why would they put the direction above the dialogue if you weren’t supposed to do it before you say it?