Okay, Nathan. Now tell me what you see in this picture.
That’s a headshot of you, but your neck is slightly tilted to the right in this one.
Good. And which is more appealing?
The third one, but Doctor, I’m sort of lost in how this will help to diagnose depression.
We’ll get there in due time. You’re probably depressed if I had to guess though. Now, please describe what you see in this film.
I am? (Crying) Oh my gosh. This is even more awful than I could have imagined.
Yes, the writing isn’t perfect, but the acting?
(In tears) I thought things would get better, man. I’ve tried my best to appreciate the stuff that’s in front of me every minute.
Things do get better, Nathan, in the second act, once you climb the mountain of exposition. But come on, you’ve got to tell me how the pirate actor is doing!
(Still sobbing) The pirate looks like you. He’s — you’re doing alright I guess.
What is the pirate actor doing wrong? Help me help you.
He’s overplaying the part. You can tell he’s acting.
Interesting perspective. Do you still think this actor can make it to the big screen?
Yes. No…I don’t know. Probably not. (wiping nose) How do I fight this thing, Doctor?
We need to find the root of the problem. Oh, and Prozac will help with the depression.
Hold on, rewind the film. You’re looking at your phone for lines a lot.
Perhaps I was checking on my patients and their various forms of depression, Nathan.
Clearly. You switched mid-scene from an Irish to a Scottish accent.
There are few people who can tell the difference. But I guess they’re all movie critics.
Oh come on, you’re acting out the stage directions one line ahead of the script.
Why would they put the direction above the dialogue if you weren’t supposed to do it before you say it?
