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Pieces

Tax Collector
56
JGB '25   •   May 2022
When it came time for collecting taxes, the tax collector’s only instruction from the robots …
Mall Santa
18
JPW '21   •   October 2020
Beep. Beep. Beep. 5:15 AM. I sigh. I brew my morning coffee and catch up on the news — just …
Driving to a Burger Joint
CAS '12   •   October 2018
“You gonna bring the shit tonight or what?”  Simon was riding shotgun in Bill Shi…
Run To End Lung Cancer
69
JLN '21-22   •  
Me: The runners, they’re all...? Ref: All terminally ill lung-cancer patients.  Me: Oh…
Algorithms
7
VIN '21-'22   •   January 2020
Algorithms are all around us. You might not see or hear them, but they are present. They are there …
Family
1
JPW '21   •   October 2020
I’ve got a crazy family — two brothers, four sisters, three half-brothers, one quarter-…
Fight Song
6
JFAR '19-'22   •   October 2018
This is the fight song for John Wayne Gacy, the Murderer, High School.  JWG High We Love You …
The Number 6
12
HJH '19   •   October 2020
Arthur Peddleton is unable to comprehend the number 6. It began as a normal day for Arthur Peddlet…
Life After the Lampoon
18
JFAR '19-'22   •   August 2019
Conan O’Brien: Juan, congrats on graduating! Here, take this. Me: Wow, another Ferrari! Con…
Titles of Movies I Wrote About Time Travel
10
PKS '21-'22   •   April 2021
-   I Go Back in Time and Kick Dust All Over the JonBenet Ramsey Crime Scene -   I Go B…
Marco Polo
16
HJH '19   •   March 2019
Marco Polo travelled the world trading spices, documenting his experiences. Today, I entered the c…
Larry Purchases a Masturbation Bot
Anonymous   •   March 2020
Larry: Power on Masturbation Bot 3000: (turns on, starts fingering self)  Larry: Jesus&helli…
Turing Test
35
FOD '24   •   March 2023
—  Hey check it out, it’s our lab's newest artificial intelligence. &mdas…
My Cult
3
NGH '23   •   June 2021
If you’re thinking about joining a classic, hardcore, intense kind of cult, then only think a…
Crying in the Rain
3
BWM '19-'21   •   October 2020
And I mean yeah they can’t see you cry in the rain, but shit right through your pants? People…
New Best Friend
361
SEH '26   •   May 2023
This guy Brian showed up in my shower last night. The water wasn’t on, he was just read…
Strange Position
26
SAB '24   •  
Alright Officer, so there I am walking down Main Street with my groceries when I see this guy layin…
Funding Needed for Life-Saving Surgery
251
EB '24   •   May 2022
(二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二)$0 raised out of $50000 Please donate to my life-saving surgery. I cannot …
Advice on How to Deal With a Concussion From Someone With a Concussion
38
NGH '23   •   January 2022
Listen up. I’m gonna tell you a straight fact that may or may not be true and can 100% help w…
Things I Want to Tell Stacy Now That I’m No Longer In Eighth Grade
40
KMM   •   February 2010
– I was the one who kind of initiated the tradition of everyone hugging each other at the end…