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Pieces

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The Trial of the Decade
October 2020
Frankly, it seemed certain that Marco would get lunch detention. Frank Lee, our principal, along wi…
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Guest Lecture by Joseph Campbell at University of Chicago, Transcript 11/24/68
20
December 2020
Good evening students. I’d like to begin by thanking those of you who showed up to this lectu…
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Leisure Corner
March 2020
Welcome to the Leisure Suit’s Larry’s Leisure Corner. Sit down. Relax. Take a break fro…
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Online Quiz
December 2020
Take this short quiz and see if we can guess where you were born! How do you pronounce Mayonnaise?…
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New Partner
19
January 2016
A cop’s #1 belief: I’m not gonna be the jerkoff that shoots his own partner. I live and…
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Cryobank Waiting Room
150
October 2020
-       First time? -       Yeah. Gotta pay rent somehow.  - &…
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Playwriting
51
February 2020
Last Monday they caught me playwriting during detention.  “Well well well, what do we h…
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Tuxedo
September 2020
Glad I’ve got someone interested in buying Tuxedo. My father died in this tuxedo, and then it…
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Chaz's Adventures in Wonderland
So I was sitting all up in this tree with my Tinder and I saw this white rabbit. And like, that ass…
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Whack-A-Mole
75
January 2022
I walk in every morning and the arcade carny asks me, “what’ll it be?” I reply…
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Frat Boy
39
December 2021
There’s nothing cooler than being a frat boy.  Picture this. I’m sitting on the f…
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Keynote Speech
December 2020
And that is how Denta-Firm is changing the game, as the world’s first ever blood-free tooth…
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Game Theoretic Standoff
105
May 2022
- Freeze, punk! I’ve got you in my pistol’s sights. You can either come over and let me…
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Ways to Get Away with Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater
3
- Wait for the movie to have a scene with explosions, then point and yell fire  - Rent out an…
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Fire Department Tour
10
March 2020
Fire Chief: And this here’s where we do our laundry—(alarm goes off) Oof, sorry kids, t…
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Mr. Worldwide
26
December 2020
Pitbull’s plane touches down at Miami International Airport at 12:43 on a Tuesday. He’s…
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Advice on How to Deal With a Concussion From Someone With a Concussion
35
January 2022
Listen up. I’m gonna tell you a straight fact that may or may not be true and can 100% help w…
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The Flu Game
10
May 2021
And Jordan moves left… Spins around Stockton… Wretches nine times and DRAINS the mid-…
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Cancun Trip Review
I knew spring break in Mexico was going to be fun – but not this fun. Who’d have though…
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One Man Show
3
August 2021
The janitor was diligently color-coding dust when the director burst in. “Mort, none of the a…