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Pieces

Excerpts From the Great American Novel
84
JLN '21-22   •   February 2020
It was time for them to head west with just the shirts on their backs and the shirts on their legs.…
Career Day
10
MFP '23-24   •   December 2021
My dad has the coolest job ever. Everyday he comes home in a different kiss-stained uniform. Some d…
A Letter To The Suburbs
23
RYSL   •   December 2023
Dear Suburbs, You are my roots; I owe you everything. You molded me into the man that the city to…
Dandelion Tales
6
JEC '21   •   May 2021
Heineken in one hand and Paradise Lost essay in the other, Dandelion cruised down Lafayette at a co…
Family
1
JPW '21   •   October 2020
I’ve got a crazy family — two brothers, four sisters, three half-brothers, one quarter-…
Kashan Rugs
10
EAH   •   May 2022
Femme Fatale
16
VIN '21-'22   •   October 2020
She walks into the room and grabs my attention. Or maybe she grabs my hand. I’m shaking now. …
School Tour
20
EBC '22-'23   •   November 2019
Hey. Hey you. Yeah, you, freshman. Come here. Not so close. You want to see the real secrets this s…
Cool Kevin
6
MAG '21-'22   •   December 2021
Cool Kevin is a man the military pays to come to our office and yell at us about not smoking mariju…
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21   •   November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
President Nice Guy
30
HFJ '18   •   December 2020
Richard Holton, our first Nice Guy president, eased out of the womb on December 24, 1921, giving do…
Life After the Lampoon
18
JFAR '19-'22   •   August 2019
Conan O’Brien: Juan, congrats on graduating! Here, take this. Me: Wow, another Ferrari! Con…
Choose Your Own Adventure
40
JGB '25   •   May 2022
You are feeling awfully hungry today. What would you like to eat? > A ham sandwich. Keep readi…
Middle School Beauty
34
MJS '19   •   June 2018
Wendy Perkins is the hottest girl in the 7th grade. She reads at a 6th grade level, but her body i…
Words to Console a Grieving Friend
21
FOD '24   •   September 2021
We’ve all been there, Gam-gam’s down for the count and you’re tongue-tied. Read b…
WWE
28
ASB '17   •   December 2020
Announcer: In the red corner, he’s your favorite all-American punisher, it’s Joe &ldquo…
No More Sheriffs
4
JFAR '19-'22   •   May 2018
Happy Saturday everyone – good to see you at the town meeting. All our sheriffs died last nig…
Lou Bega Gets Married
8
PKS '21-'22   •   July 2019
A little bit of Jenieva in my life A little bit of Jenieva by my side A little bit of Jenieva is …
The Guys Who Invented Ping Pong
10
JLG '21   •   July 2021
GUY 1: Check this out…(opens up the game PONG on Atari)GUY 2: Woah! (plays PONG)GUY 1: If on…
Puritan Party
30
RYSL FOD   •   May 2023
Hey. (gurgles) You think this is allowed? (spits) It’s not even really drinking, man! …