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Pieces

Municipal Archive of Brain Chips in Dalignfort, VA 2077-2122
12
EAT EB   •  
Folder 4: Security Tapes (Wal-mart) 2099 Man: (spilling 2,000 FlexSeal onto conveyor belt) Sorry, …
Prisoner’s Dilemma
60
EBC '22-'23   •   November 2019
Sitting handcuffed in the interrogation room, I started to sweat. They had the room at a cool 65, b…
Whack-A-Mole
78
FOD '24   •   January 2022
I walk in every morning and the arcade carny asks me, “what’ll it be?” I reply…
Last Day at the Zoo
17
NSG '20-'22   •   December 2020
After serving as head zookeeper for 25 years and chief hunting assistant during a disastrous week-l…
Good Cop, Bad Cop, Jelly-Donut Cop
41
JTB '20-22   •   December 2020
Bad Cop: We have your fingerprints on the gun, the doorknob, and the victim, punk. Good Cop: Hey j…
Film Noir
28
MMM '20   •   December 2020
The year was December 17th, winter to be exact. Outside my office it was a wet, dark afternoon&mdas…
Excerpts From the Great American Novel
84
JLN '21-22   •   February 2020
It was time for them to head west with just the shirts on their backs and the shirts on their legs.…
The Taco Bell on Beverly
30
HBF '19   •   January 2020
“Where are you going?” you ask the homeless man wandering down San Vicente. “Don&…
Waxing Thoughts
65
YMC '21-'22   •   January 2022
“I understand your pain. I’ve gone through the same thing”:– the woman wa…
Thumb War
39
NGH '23   •   December 2022
First rule of being the new kid is to look out for bullies. I see a bully in the bathroom threateni…
The Number 6
12
HJH '19   •   October 2020
Arthur Peddleton is unable to comprehend the number 6. It began as a normal day for Arthur Peddlet…
Seven Deadly Gourds
MAG '21-'22   •   June 2020
The Orange Gourd: This one will kill you 100%. The Ghost Pepper: This one is less pungent, still…
New Partner
20
JFAR '19-'22   •   January 2016
A cop’s #1 belief: I’m not gonna be the jerkoff that shoots his own partner. I live and…
Elvis's Draft Letter
87
LKN '25   •   March 2023
This message is addressed to Presley, Elvis. Dear Sir: You are hereby notified that you have been…
Secret Journal
6
GPCP '22   •   December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
The Life of a Cowboy
86
AJ '18   •   December 2020
I was only five years old when my grandpappy taught me how to shoot a gun. “Pull the trigger …
Larry Purchases a Masturbation Bot
Anonymous   •   March 2020
Larry: Power on Masturbation Bot 3000: (turns on, starts fingering self)  Larry: Jesus&helli…
Protest
47
SAB FOD   •   May 2023
Greetings, assembled cabinet ministers of the Soviet Union. I have a confession to make. I am not a…
Moon Mine
7
ZDG '20   •   November 2019
A notice to all MoonCorp employees: Gentlemen, this is your CEO. Please keep mining; no reason to …
Cancun Trip Review
42
CLC '22-'23   •  
I knew spring break in Mexico was going to be fun – but not this fun. Who’d have though…