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Pieces

Eulogy
46
JKF '25   •   September 2022
Welcome, Parishers. I am honored to speak in this holy chapel. You may call me Father Tod. I am not…
FOMO Cop
101
SMR '25   •   May 2023
There were never any parties where I grew up. Believe me—I asked everybody. For my eighteenth…
Going to America
109
LKN '25   •   May 2023
Grandpa says that in America, the streets are paved with gold and the water is made of milk and hon…
The Big Man on Campus
10
LRK '21-'22   •   October 2018
Yesterday the Big Man on Campus came to class late and the professor apologized. The class cried be…
SNOWED IN
10
ZDG '20   •   January 2020
Operator: 911, what’s your emergency? Me: I’m… stuck, in my cabin. I need human…
Suburban Safari Comix
30
AKG, DCCP   •   December 2023
May December Romance
103
EB '24   •  
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
Elvis Has Left the Building
63
Robert Carlock '95   •   November 2020
ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has left the building!” TEENAGE FANS: “(Scream)!” ANNOU…
Classical Conditioning
118
MFP '23-24   •   January 2022
Alright class, today we’re going to cover something called classical conditioning. Can I get …
Letter to Roosevelt
10
MMM '20   •   January 2020
In 1939, at the urging of physicist Leo Szilárd, Einstein wrote a letter to FDR, informing h…
Fat Camp
120
JLG '21   •   March 2019
My parents said they knew I could lose the weight on my own, but it’d be so much easier for t…
Krauts
11
BWM '19-'21   •   October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…
Next in Line Comix
21
MIC '26   •   May 2023
Suburban Journaling
49
JKF '25   •   December 2023
On summer nights, I would sit by the train tracks. There wasn’t much to do around town except…
World’s Luckiest & Most Depressed Person
229
JRD '22-'23   •   January 2022
Pam Jensen woke up just like she did every other day – at the exact moment that she could see…
Life After the Lampoon
18
JFAR '19-'22   •   August 2019
Conan O’Brien: Juan, congrats on graduating! Here, take this. Me: Wow, another Ferrari! Con…
Johnny Adventure, Space Cashier
57
JRD '22-'23   •  
It’s the future, but not so far in the future that cashiers are obsolete. We open on our prot…
Book Discussion
31
OMA '24   •   September 2021
Teacher: Greg, could you open discussion on the theme of villainy in Great Expectations?G…
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21   •   November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
Now That’s What I Call Music! Vol. 18,482
JEC '21   •   July 2021
Track 1 – Give Me a Little Gas, SisterTrack 2 – Your Girl Got Too Much Exhaust in the F…