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Pieces

Vanitas
74
YMC '21-'22   •   March 2022
On the first day, God created the heavens and the earth. "Let there be light," He said, and there w…
Driving to a Burger Joint
CAS '12   •   October 2018
“You gonna bring the shit tonight or what?”  Simon was riding shotgun in Bill Shi…
Protest
47
SAB FOD   •   May 2023
Greetings, assembled cabinet ministers of the Soviet Union. I have a confession to make. I am not a…
Richard A. Smith: The Hero
52
MFP '23-24   •   December 2021
It’s every kid’s dream to be a superhero, which is why I spend all my time wandering ar…
Toss Me Off The Edge, Then, Why Don’t You?
ZDG '20   •   August 2020
Oh, sure. Back me up further to the edge of the boat. I don’t mind. Are you pissed? You seem …
Cold War Frat Boy
300328
SAB '24   •   May 2022
Nuclear warheads dropping near the die table. Bombs away, babes. Time for a quick game to 11 before…
Advice For A New CIA Agent
15
HHD   •   October 2008
Welcome to your first day in the CIA. First of all, congratulations. If you’re an agent, you …
DrivingInstructor.ai
135
EB '24   •   May 2022
I get in the car, and I’m doing everything by the book. I’m checking my mirrors, both h…
Playwriting
56
JLN '21-22   •   February 2020
Last Monday they caught me playwriting during detention.  “Well well well, what do we h…
Things To Say If You Want To Join The Cool Table
22
GPCP '22   •   December 2021
Don’t mind me, lemme pull up a chair—backwards. My mom packs me lemon slices instead…
SNOWED IN
10
ZDG '20   •   January 2020
Operator: 911, what’s your emergency? Me: I’m… stuck, in my cabin. I need human…
Tales of Vengeance
21
MAG '21-'22   •   September 2021
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times …
Opening Line of My Book
BWM '19-'21   •   February 2020
“Alright everyone… settle down, settle down, if you could all gather round, come a lit…
Ways to Get Away with Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater
83
JGB '25   •  
- Wait for the movie to have a scene with explosions, then point and yell fire  - Rent out an…
Kermit
75
MAS '18   •   December 2020
Hey Everyone i just wanted to send out a house-wide email to alert you of a Special problem that ha…
At The Airport With My Least Favorite Uncle
10
ENO '21   •   April 2020
Uncle: Hey, Martin! Martin! Sit with me! Martin: I gotta get on my plane. Uncle: Where’re y…
Secret Journal
6
GPCP '22   •   December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
Charlie and the Next Successor
11
JGS '20   •   November 2019
It was time for old Charlie to pick the next child to take over the chocolate factory just as Willy…
Squirrels
71
RYSL   •  
My ideal hangover cure is a lazy afternoon at the park, sipping on a cold beer and talking with the…
Horse Girl Blog
88
LKN '25   •   September 2022
06/07/2022 Hey saddle sisters. Didn’t play outside with the other kids today. Too busy doing …