Artwork: AMC '23

Chaz's Adventures in Wonderland

Author: EAT '24
As seen in: What Have We Done #

So I was sitting all up in this tree with my Tinder and I saw this white rabbit. And like, that ass bro—fluffy as fuck. Anthropomorphic too. But while I’m tryna real-time swipe on her she’s already swiping herself right down this thick ass hole.

Black out or back out, I straight trip into that hole. Man, the thing was swoll as fuck. I’m falling for a good 10-20 seconds with just my thoughts. Maybe I’m wasting the opportunities my grandparents donation worked so hard to give me. Should I have brought my textbooks down here? But I can’t stop now, it’s the longest time I’ve ever spent on a chick. 

No tail at the bottom, just this little bottle that says “drink me”. I’m not a rush anymore, I don’t need another title IX case blamed on me. Drank that shit fast before that fat rabbit chick could. Then, I was, like—shrinking. I must’ve been tripping hard. I gotta get out, so I open this door—

Not the way out. Shit was crazy. Respectfully, bad trip. Or I should get checked out. Crazy guy in the hat goes hard though.

One lady (queen) wanted me to play croquet with her, and I was like “Respectfully, I don’t know what that is”. So I bent her card people up like cups—best beer pong of my life. I heard she was a “beheading drunk” so, respectfully, I filled her cups with Cheshire Cat tranqs.

And the rabbit? A dude. That pocketwatch? Drippy as fuck bro. Respectfully, would still hit.