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AMC '23

Literature Board 2023

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Chained To A Tree
18
When they were all like “We need someone to chain themselves to this tree!” I was all l…
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Ways to Get Away with Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater
55
- Wait for the movie to have a scene with explosions, then point and yell fire  - Rent out an…
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How I Stopped 9/11
117
I strut into the hideout, the most beautiful girl Osama bin Laden has ever seen.  Osama bin L…
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If Money Grew On Trees
13
- Environmental protection would be bipartisan. - In the fall, you could substitute real money wit…
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A Knight's Quest
51
The object of your next quest is to smite a dragon. No, not ‘he.’ This dragon is female…
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May December Romance
54
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
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Organ Harvesting
19
Dealer: Just give me the money. Buyer: Hang on. I want to see the goods first. (Dealer motions to…
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Psychic Argument
23
Psychic 1: I told you, I don’t know what happened to your dog! Psychic 2: Then why did I see…
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Sleepy Sam
16
Coming soon to a theater near you… (upbeat music playing) Sam Shmorganstein is a zookeeper w…
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Johnny Adventure, Space Cashier
33
It’s the future, but not so far in the future that cashiers are obsolete. We open on our prot…
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My Ideas for Hallmark Cards
13
- I’m sorry I spilled your drink - It shouldn’t matter what’s in the cup, whethe…
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2009 Make-A-Wish
24
LeBron: Well, it’s been great having you here, bud! (smiles at TV cameras) Kid: Listen, LeBr…
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Run To End Lung Cancer
23
Me: The runners, they’re all...? Ref: All terminally ill lung-cancer patients.  Me: Oh…
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Medical Report
11
I have this disease where everyday at 3 am three dudes kick the shit out of me.  It started p…
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Olympic Curling
6
Me: Hello, I’d like one ticket to watch the gold medal curling match, please. Cashier: I&rsq…
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Package Delivery FAQ
16
Q: I had issues receiving the correct product. What should I do? A: Name which of the following sc…
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Cancun Trip Review
14
I knew spring break in Mexico was going to be fun – but not this fun. Who’d have though…
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Squirrels
20
My ideal hangover cure is a lazy afternoon at the park, sipping on a cold beer and talking with the…
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Strange Position
3
Alright Officer, so there I am walking down Main Street with my groceries when I see this guy layin…
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Video Game Pitch
17
Sit down gentlemen, I have our next hit game. You thought Sonic The Hedgehog made us rich? Well Son…
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Chaz's Adventures in Wonderland
1
So I was sitting all up in this tree with my Tinder and I saw this white rabbit. And like, that ass…
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Vanitas
73
March 2022
On the first day, God created the heavens and the earth. "Let there be light," He said, and there w…
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Things To Say If You Want To Join The Cool Table
22
December 2021
Don’t mind me, lemme pull up a chair—backwards. My mom packs me lemon slices instead…
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Hottest Girls In School
10
December 2021
And, action.  Open on the Three Hottest Girls in school, walking in unison, places in all the…
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Squigley
10
December 2021
Carl Squigley always had his nose buried in a book, which was buried in a still-flushing toilet. He…
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World Famous Worm
40
December 2021
We had barely started the road trip when we started seeing the signs advertising the ‘World&r…
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Frat Boy
39
December 2021
There’s nothing cooler than being a frat boy.  Picture this. I’m sitting on the f…
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Secret Journal
5
December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
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King of Smooth
35
December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
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Pervert Alert: My Friend Josh
30
December 2021
My friend Josh, hoo boy. That guy’s into some really fucked up stuff. Just look at him. Gre…
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Cool Kevin
3
December 2021
Cool Kevin is a man the military pays to come to our office and yell at us about not smoking mariju…
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Richard A. Smith: The Hero
December 2021
It’s every kid’s dream to be a superhero, which is why I spend all my time wandering ar…
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Career Day
December 2021
My dad has the coolest job ever. Everyday he comes home in a different kiss-stained uniform. Some d…
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My Dog and All My Coworkers’ Dogs All Got Food Poisoning From the Office Dog Food Stash and It Was Really Awful and Sad
15
September 2021
Monday Me: (crying at desk).Lisa: Sorry to hear about your Maltese dog, Doug. When my su…