Artwork: DL '25

FOMO Cop on the Job

Author: OMA '24
As seen in: Justice Is Served #

Driver: What seems to be the problem, officer?

Officer: You been drinking tonight, sir? Where you been drinking tonight, sir?

Driver: No, officer, I haven’t been drinking. 

Officer: Oh, I know you been somewhere. Where you been? That’s all I’m asking.

Driver: I was at my friend Todd’s house, but Todd doesn’t drink when he’s not driving – I mean I don’t drink when I’m not driving. I don’t drink at all that is. 

Officer: I’m going to need you to step outside of the vehicle and show me your license and registration. 

Driver: Yes, officer, of course. Here you go. And might I say that I promise it wasn’t more than two beers. 

Officer: (Reading) Hmm.

Driver: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Just that you said you were at your friend Todd’s house, but you’re also named Todd.

Driver: It’s a very Todd-heavy area I guess. Todds galore. 

Officer: I just ran your name through the system, and I only see one Todd in this county. 

Driver: That’s because the Todd I know is right over the county lines. 

Officer: I think the only Todd you and I both know is right here. 

Driver: Officer?

Officer: I’m writing you a citation. 

Driver: Officer, please, can I sing the “Star-Spangled Banner” or say my ABCs backwards?

Officer: Next time, just be honest about where you were. And you see that – that’s my number right there. Next time, you give me a call.