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Pieces

The Big Man on Campus
10
LRK '21-'22   •   October 2018
Yesterday the Big Man on Campus came to class late and the professor apologized. The class cried be…
Whale Watching
11
HJH '19   •   October 2020
Guide: And here we have a FULL ORCA BREACH FOLKS A FULL BREACH! 9 O’CLOCK!!! Crowd: Wow! Ga…
Lampy Goes to Bartaco
63
The Harvard Lampoon   •   October 2022
What is the only thing Harvard students like more than telling people they went to school “ri…
Late
204
JTK '24   •   January 2022
I look down at the watch tattooed on my wrist. It’s 10:00. Fuck. I look up at my wall clock t…
The Last Tiger’s Deathbed
24
CAS '12   •   May 2021
It was a rainy night in November and at the Bronx Zoo a crowd of hundreds of thousands braved the e…
Trading Up
46
EB '24   •   September 2022
In 2005, Kyle MacDonald successfully traded up from a paperclip to a house.   – Starti…
Me & My Babies
7
CDL '21   •   November 2020
I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral…
Wet Dream
126
MAG '21-'22   •   January 2022
At a sleepover. Kyle: Whoa! Brian what is that on your shorts?Brian: Uh, nothing! Kyle: Hey…
My First Kiss
32
JPW '21   •   September 2020
I pick up this girl Julia in my car, and I’m doing 90 on Lincoln Avenue, you know, batting ma…
Draft Dodging
60
RYSL   •   May 2023
The national draft is underway, and as an amputee I’m terrified of active combat. Thankfully,…
King of Smooth
78
CLC '22-'23   •   December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21   •   November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
May December Romance
103
EB '24   •  
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
Fire Department Tour
20
SWR '19-'20   •   March 2020
Fire Chief: And this here’s where we do our laundry—(alarm goes off) Oof, sorry kids, t…
At a wedding reception
9
SWR '19-'20   •   October 2020
Well, here goes nothing… (jumps up on table) Ahem! Mr. and Mrs. Martinez, I can’t le…
Horse Girl Blog
88
LKN '25   •   September 2022
06/07/2022 Hey saddle sisters. Didn’t play outside with the other kids today. Too busy doing …
Charlie and the Next Successor
11
JGS '20   •   November 2019
It was time for old Charlie to pick the next child to take over the chocolate factory just as Willy…
Toss Me Off The Edge, Then, Why Don’t You?
ZDG '20   •   August 2020
Oh, sure. Back me up further to the edge of the boat. I don’t mind. Are you pissed? You seem …
My Birth
8
SWR '19-'20   •   December 2020
Here are some things that might happen when I am born. — The doctor accidentally gives my pa…
Biome
OTLB '13   •   July 2021
Life ‘em up, boys. That’s what our sergeant used to say. Our job was to create the bigg…