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Pieces

TV Salesman
13
ZDG '20   •   October 2020
Bread the TV Salesman started the day like any other: with a hot cup of coffee and a curse to his m…
Condolences
61
OECGP ’22-’24   •   March 2023
Tue, Jun 9, 2:47 PM Hey bud, I was super bummed to see that obituary about you this morning. Big c…
Voice-Activated Lights
155
SMR '25   •   March 2023
— I’m excited to see your new place finally.— Here, let me turn on the lights. AH…
Eulogy
46
JKF '25   •   September 2022
Welcome, Parishers. I am honored to speak in this holy chapel. You may call me Father Tod. I am not…
Suburban Journaling
49
JKF '25   •   December 2023
On summer nights, I would sit by the train tracks. There wasn’t much to do around town except…
Chronological Excerpts from the Rochester Cult Massacre Reports
61
SMR '25   •   September 2022
Rick, 40 I’d better contribute something before anyone gets suspicious. “Let’s s…
New York
9
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
Cheat Codes for Ace Attorney
126
LKN '25   •   May 2023
085888C8 60000000 Win every court case0452FDBC 10000000 Infinite evidence0452FDBC 0FFFFFFF Finite, …
Jury Duty
253
SAB CLHC   •   May 2023
It’s Monday in Morrison County, and that means the courthouse is open for… business? N…
Vanitas
74
YMC '21-'22   •   March 2022
On the first day, God created the heavens and the earth. "Let there be light," He said, and there w…
Online Quiz
15
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2020
Take this short quiz and see if we can guess where you were born! How do you pronounce Mayonnaise?…
Trying To Write Mental Health Pieces When Your Mental Health Is Pretty Okay At The Moment
221
GPCP '22   •   January 2022
You close your laptop, wishing you had something real to write about. The first three pieces about …
The Big Man on Campus
10
LRK '21-'22   •   October 2018
Yesterday the Big Man on Campus came to class late and the professor apologized. The class cried be…
Words to Console a Grieving Friend
21
FOD '24   •   September 2021
We’ve all been there, Gam-gam’s down for the count and you’re tongue-tied. Read b…
Last Day at the Zoo
17
NSG '20-'22   •   December 2020
After serving as head zookeeper for 25 years and chief hunting assistant during a disastrous week-l…
Donate Broth
49
JGB '25   •   May 2022
Letter to Roosevelt
10
MMM '20   •   January 2020
In 1939, at the urging of physicist Leo Szilárd, Einstein wrote a letter to FDR, informing h…
Vanagon
13
MAS '18   •   December 2020
Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for fifty years to get one — mailr…
Vanitas
JLG '21   •   October 2020
Dear Judging Committee for the American Society for Magazine Editors, I notice you have not been r…
Lolita
102
NGH '23   •   December 2022
Lolita, light of my life, I feel fire in my loins. I lit my underwear on fire for you, Lolita. No o…