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Pieces

Larry Buys Condoms
20
BWM '19-'21   •   March 2020
Larry: Hey, can I get some rubbers.  Clerk: Yeah, sure, what kind of johnny you looking for, …
My First Real Piece Ever
1
DJL '20   •   October 2020
This is not a real piece, just my observation about pieces, and I am a human writing this, a perfec…
A Day in the Life of Hamish Olsen, New York, 19
55
CDL '21   •   December 2020
She looked at him like a deer in headlights might look at someone if it had human eyes. Hamish had …
Charlie and the Next Successor
11
JGS '20   •   November 2019
It was time for old Charlie to pick the next child to take over the chocolate factory just as Willy…
Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
2
MAG '21-'22   •   September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
How Long Have You Been Unemployed?
9
LRK '21-'22   •   October 2020
Uncle Buck: That’s an incredibly personal question. Me: I’m just asking because I&rsqu…
Eugenics
ASB '17   •   December 2020
– Looks like your baby came out of the eugenics machine beautifully. – Doctor, that is…
Store Closing
DRM '18   •   December 2020
To Our Valued Customers, I regret to inform you that here at Frank’s Drugstore and Candy Emp…
Waterboy
90
NGH '23   •   January 2022
It’s my first day as waterboy. The rest of staff is nowhere to be found, so I guess I gotta…
President Nice Guy
30
HFJ '18   •   December 2020
Richard Holton, our first Nice Guy president, eased out of the womb on December 24, 1921, giving do…
Lobotomy
97
GPCP '22   •   January 2022
I sit down at the lunch table with a pruning saw and a smile. “Well, boys, I finally did it. …
Kashan Rugs
10
EAH   •   May 2022
Godzilla Comix
37
AMC '23   •  
What I Imagine Summer Camp is Like
SVG '18   •   December 2020
1. Toodle-ee-doo! The trumpet song wakes me up—time to canoe to breakfast. 2. I eat slop wit…
My Diwali
4
SAB '24   •  
Diwali is a festival of lights that occurs in either October or November and is one of the major fe…
Eulogy
46
JKF '25   •   September 2022
Welcome, Parishers. I am honored to speak in this holy chapel. You may call me Father Tod. I am not…
A Quest
3
ASB '17   •   December 2020
I’m embarking on a quest to personally give a big thumbs-up to the child who made my iPhone. …
Good Cop, Bad Cop, Jelly-Donut Cop
43
JTB '20-22   •   December 2020
Bad Cop: We have your fingerprints on the gun, the doorknob, and the victim, punk. Good Cop: Hey j…
Missy Manners
126
Josh Lieb '93   •   November 2020
Okay, so you’re in the cafeteria. They’re serving peas. The boy across from you is thro…
Narcissus Eiffel-Towering
126
NGH '23 AMC '23   •