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Pieces

E=mcBUTT
10
MMM '20   •   February 2020
sigh No, Percival, it does not. But due to your father’s generous donation, I am… plea…
If It Were Big Bird
MAK '21   •   May 2021
In 1986, instead of an elementary school teacher, NASA had initially considered Big Bird as their f…
Horse Girl Blog
88
LKN '25   •   September 2022
06/07/2022 Hey saddle sisters. Didn’t play outside with the other kids today. Too busy doing …
Churchill
22
MAG '21-'22   •   July 2021
Winston Churchill, known for all of his political and military accomplishments, was also a Nobel Pr…
Lifeguarding
15
MAG '21-'22   •   December 2018
Lifeguard: (sips smoothie) I’m just saying: if your kid was “drowning in the deep end&r…
New Partner
20
JFAR '19-'22   •   January 2016
A cop’s #1 belief: I’m not gonna be the jerkoff that shoots his own partner. I live and…
My Birth
8
SWR '19-'20   •   December 2020
Here are some things that might happen when I am born. — The doctor accidentally gives my pa…
The History of Hats
3
JPW '21   •   October 2020
There are all types of hats, like silver or classic. But hats haven’t always dominated our co…
Girlfriend
40
GPCP '22   •   September 2021
Of course I have a girlfriend, she just goes to another school. Which school? The, uh, the one a fe…
New Cat
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2020
So a couple days ago my wife and I decided to restart the old marriage. Seeing as I’m impoten…
New Best Friend
361
SEH '26   •   May 2023
This guy Brian showed up in my shower last night. The water wasn’t on, he was just read…
At The Airport With My Least Favorite Uncle
10
ENO '21   •   April 2020
Uncle: Hey, Martin! Martin! Sit with me! Martin: I gotta get on my plane. Uncle: Where’re y…
Chronological Excerpts from the Rochester Cult Massacre Reports
64
SMR '25   •   September 2022
Rick, 40 I’d better contribute something before anyone gets suspicious. “Let’s s…
Larry Buys Condoms
20
BWM '19-'21   •   March 2020
Larry: Hey, can I get some rubbers.  Clerk: Yeah, sure, what kind of johnny you looking for, …
Opening Line of My Book
BWM '19-'21   •   February 2020
“Alright everyone… settle down, settle down, if you could all gather round, come a lit…
Rhombus
326
JGB '25   •   May 2023
I have the rare version of the Midas Touch where everything I touch turns into rhombuses. It all st…
Larry Purchases a Masturbation Bot
Anonymous   •   March 2020
Larry: Power on Masturbation Bot 3000: (turns on, starts fingering self)  Larry: Jesus&helli…
Dear President
29
HJH '19   •   October 2019
Dear President, My name is Bradley and I am 8. I’m from Ohio and my mom won’t let me p…
King of Smooth
78
CLC '22-'23   •   December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
Shark Tank U.S.S.R
49
PKS '21-'22   •   October 2020
Host: Welcome to Shark Tank USSR.  Alexei: Privet, sharks. Today I am asking for 0 rubles in …