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Pieces

Draft Dodging
60
RYSL   •   May 2023
The national draft is underway, and as an amputee I’m terrified of active combat. Thankfully,…
Cheat Codes for Ace Attorney
126
LKN '25   •   May 2023
085888C8 60000000 Win every court case0452FDBC 10000000 Infinite evidence0452FDBC 0FFFFFFF Finite, …
Vanitas
JLG '21   •   October 2020
Dear Judging Committee for the American Society for Magazine Editors, I notice you have not been r…
Geoffrey Sanders, World Explorer
10
PKS '21-'22   •   November 2018
Antarctica - There aren’t many permanent residents so the scientists make friends with pengui…
Wet Dream
126
MAG '21-'22   •   January 2022
At a sleepover. Kyle: Whoa! Brian what is that on your shorts?Brian: Uh, nothing! Kyle: Hey…
My Birth
8
SWR '19-'20   •   December 2020
Here are some things that might happen when I am born. — The doctor accidentally gives my pa…
There’s No More Gazpacho In The Cupboard
12
MMM '20   •   October 2020
– What? – There’s no more cans of gazpacho in our cupboard. The hell am I suppos…
Gorilla Larry
18
BWM '19-'21   •   October 2020
– Woo wooo  eeh  ahhh  wooo  *feeds on stems*. – There he is, what…
Dinner Date
6
BGS '22-'23   •   November 2020
Lindsey: It is so hot that you speak French, Jack.Jack: Ah, but how else would I order . . . la cr&…
Frogs
70
AMC '23   •  
Words to Console a Grieving Friend
21
FOD '24   •   September 2021
We’ve all been there, Gam-gam’s down for the count and you’re tongue-tied. Read b…
Elvis's Draft Letter
87
LKN '25   •   March 2023
This message is addressed to Presley, Elvis. Dear Sir: You are hereby notified that you have been…
Morning Announcements
117
SEH '26   •   December 2023
Good morning Vietnam! No, it's not Robin Williams. I know everyone gets excited every time I do tha…
Good Cop, Bad Cop, Jelly-Donut Cop
43
JTB '20-22   •   December 2020
Bad Cop: We have your fingerprints on the gun, the doorknob, and the victim, punk. Good Cop: Hey j…
Morning Routine
15
HJH '19   •   December 2020
8:00am – Wake up and shower. This is easy if you sleep in the shower. 11:30am – Put so…
Mime Hero
41
EB '24   •   May 2023
Lawyer: Hey sir, I know you’re on the clock, but you really need to talk right now. A flower?…
Me & My Babies
7
CDL '21   •   November 2020
I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral…
Olympic Curling
6
MFP '23-24   •  
Me: Hello, I’d like one ticket to watch the gold medal curling match, please. Cashier: I&rsq…
Times That an Extinction-Level Nuclear War Would Really Suck
59
SAB '24   •   May 2022
- One day before technology that makes everyone live forever is invented - One hour before all the…
My Relationship
8
ZPH '12   •   February 2010
… is like any other, especially the kind where one partner steals from the other, day after …