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Pieces

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Now That’s What I Call Music! Vol. 18,482
July 2021
Track 1 – Give Me a Little Gas, SisterTrack 2 – Your Girl Got Too Much Exhaust in the F…
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Horse Racing Comix
36
IKI '26
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Moon Mine
7
November 2019
A notice to all MoonCorp employees: Gentlemen, this is your CEO. Please keep mining; no reason to …
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Yearbook Signing
10
May 2021
-Hey Brad, want me to sign your yearbook? -Of course, Dylan! Good luck at Dartmouth next year. We&…
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Trying To Write Mental Health Pieces When Your Mental Health Is Pretty Okay At The Moment
177
January 2022
You close your laptop, wishing you had something real to write about. The first three pieces about …
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Whack-A-Mole
75
January 2022
I walk in every morning and the arcade carny asks me, “what’ll it be?” I reply…
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J. Robert Oppenheimer signs an NDA
28
October 2020
– You understand that after you sign this document you cannot discuss the Manhattan Proj…
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thegreatcoming2000.blogspot.com
26
May 2022
January 2, 2000I know, I know, elephant in the room. I said the world was going to end at the dawn …
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Dinosaur Story
12
May 2022
Tour Guide: We’ve finally reached the Chicxulub crater, everyone, the site of the explosion t…
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Store Closing
December 2020
To Our Valued Customers, I regret to inform you that here at Frank’s Drugstore and Candy Emp…
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Advice For A New CIA Agent
4
October 2008
Welcome to your first day in the CIA. First of all, congratulations. If you’re an agent, you …
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Amnesia
1
October 2019
– John? I mean uh, excuse me random stranger? – What do you want? – I have amne…
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Life After the Lampoon
18
August 2019
Conan O’Brien: Juan, congrats on graduating! Here, take this. Me: Wow, another Ferrari! Con…
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Make Your Own Ad
15
May 2022
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Ways to Get Away with Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater
73
- Wait for the movie to have a scene with explosions, then point and yell fire  - Rent out an…
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That Guy
March 2020
-Hey, who is that?-That guy, over there? I don’t know.-He must be pretty important-What makes…
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Barbershop Quartet
January 2020
Lead: Fellas, meet the new fifth member of our quartet–Tom! Bass: Swell to meet ya Tom! Bar…
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Olympic Curling
6
Me: Hello, I’d like one ticket to watch the gold medal curling match, please. Cashier: I&rsq…
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Tech Support Chat
October 2020
– Hey is this the–uh–the Niteflirt phone sex line? – No, sorry, this is th…
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Proposal
1
December 2020
A successful relationship is about listening. That’s why, when my longtime girlfriend started…