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Pieces

Hogtown
44
CYL '26   •   December 2023
Most people move to Hogtown for the good public schools.  They either come for that or Larry t…
WWE
28
ASB '17   •   December 2020
Announcer: In the red corner, he’s your favorite all-American punisher, it’s Joe &ldquo…
Ray Charles
12
HBF '19   •   December 2020
For forty years I’ve been Ray Charles’s private caretaker, helping make his dreams come…
My First Real Piece Ever
1
DJL '20   •   October 2020
This is not a real piece, just my observation about pieces, and I am a human writing this, a perfec…
Me & My Babies
7
CDL '21   •   November 2020
I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral…
A Knight's Quest
96
RYSL   •  
The object of your next quest is to smite a dragon. No, not ‘he.’ This dragon is female…
Tales of Vengeance
21
MAG '21-'22   •   September 2021
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times …
Proposal
11
NSG '20-'22   •   December 2020
A successful relationship is about listening. That’s why, when my longtime girlfriend started…
How to Handle Being in a Long Distance Relationship
79
CYL '26   •   March 2023
1) College is busy, so it is important to set up a schedule with your significant other.  When…
May I Approach the Bench?
24
OMA '24   •   May 2023
You may, but keep it quick, I have five minutes until Judge Judy comes on, and I’m going to…
Genesis
10
HJH '19   •   December 2020
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, but …
The C5 Beer Pong Table Piece
10
GPL '21-'22   •   December 2019
So you’re in the market for a custom Beer Pong Table, preferably in the C4 through C6 range, …
Cruising Altitude
2
MFP '23-24   •   September 2021
Good evening passengers, this is your doctor speaking. Yeah, you heard that right. Everybody know…
Olympic Curling
6
MFP '23-24   •  
Me: Hello, I’d like one ticket to watch the gold medal curling match, please. Cashier: I&rsq…
My Diwali
4
SAB '24   •  
Diwali is a festival of lights that occurs in either October or November and is one of the major fe…
Baseball Ghost
77
GPCP '22   •   May 2023
I clutched my Babe Ruth card in one hand and my necronomicon in the other. “The big game&rsqu…
My Speech For Tonight
35
RIP '09   •   October 2008
Hi everyone. I’m Jess’s father. Thank you all for coming to Jess’s sweet sixteen.…
Hell
13
MAG '21-'22   •   November 2020
There’s a special place in hell for weird guys who can’t be kept in the regular part of…
Whack-A-Mole
78
FOD '24   •   January 2022
I walk in every morning and the arcade carny asks me, “what’ll it be?” I reply…
Online Quiz
15
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2020
Take this short quiz and see if we can guess where you were born! How do you pronounce Mayonnaise?…