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Pieces

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What I Imagine Summer Camp is Like
December 2020
1. Toodle-ee-doo! The trumpet song wakes me up—time to canoe to breakfast. 2. I eat slop wit…
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Larry Purchases a Masturbation Bot
March 2020
Larry: Power on Masturbation Bot 3000: (turns on, starts fingering self)  Larry: Jesus&helli…
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My Piece About What It Would Be Like If I Wrote A Piece for the FYC #
1
October 2020
– What started out as a frankly disgusting case of unbelievable obesity had snowballed into a…
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My Feminism
December 2020
Even though it’s harder than ever before to be a woman, it’s easier than ever to be a f…
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2019 World Expo
1
March 2019
– Attention please, the presentation by Tajikistan will begin in 5 minutes. – (20 minu…
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Mr. 305
14
September 2021
Ever had somebody tell you that you looked like a celebrity? For some it’s a blessing, but fo…
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Kermit
49
December 2020
Hey Everyone i just wanted to send out a house-wide email to alert you of a Special problem that ha…
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Answering Machine
October 2020
– (pickup) Hello? – Doc?! Is that you? It’s Billy.  – The Doctor is …
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Book Discussion
14
September 2021
Teacher: Greg, could you open discussion on the theme of villainy in Great Expectations?G…
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The History of Hats
October 2020
There are all types of hats, like silver or classic. But hats haven’t always dominated our co…
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King of Smooth
35
December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
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Texting on My Laptop
9
February 2019
Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Sarah, sorry.  Me: I didn’t realize hitt…
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Vanitas
2
December 2020
Now that you finally have this issue in your hands, you’re probably wondering one thing and o…
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Teacher’s Note
20
July 2021
Dear Parent, If you are receiving this note it means that your child has been enrolled in my class…
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Fight Song
6
October 2018
This is the fight song for John Wayne Gacy, the Murderer, High School.  JWG High We Love You …
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Inspired Musings
1
December 2020
Scientists say that the murder rate goes up when there is a full moon. But so does the rate of peop…
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Business Presentation
June 2018
ME: And by subverting double axial capital inflows we can mobilize revenue twice as fast. SMITH: I…
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TV Show Taglines
October 2019
-Babies vs. Cars: Will the underdog keep losing? -A car? Versus a baby? -This baby specifically d…
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Vanagon
December 2020
Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for fifty years to get one — mailr…
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Store Closing
December 2020
To Our Valued Customers, I regret to inform you that here at Frank’s Drugstore and Candy Emp…