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Pieces

Cold War Frat Boy
300328
SAB '24   •   May 2022
Nuclear warheads dropping near the die table. Bombs away, babes. Time for a quick game to 11 before…
Retirement Compound Salesman
28
MAV '23-'24   •   November 2020
Apt. 1B: Hello there! How often have you dropped that Life Alert of yours into the toilet? At your …
Times That an Extinction-Level Nuclear War Would Really Suck
59
SAB '24   •   May 2022
- One day before technology that makes everyone live forever is invented - One hour before all the…
Cowboy Fantasies
6
MAG '21-'22   •   March 2020
“I’ve been having cowboy fantasies again,” I mumble, before kicking through the s…
Medical Report
72
EPS '24   •  
I have this disease where everyday at 3 am three dudes kick the shit out of me.  It started p…
Two Bailiffs Talk Before Court Starts
21
TAF '19   •   October 2018
– First day, huh. Nervous? I know I was. – No. I have everything set up. I prepared th…
thegreatcoming2000.blogspot.com
26
GPCP '22   •   May 2022
January 2, 2000I know, I know, elephant in the room. I said the world was going to end at the dawn …
New York
9
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
Career Day
10
MFP '23-24   •   December 2021
My dad has the coolest job ever. Everyday he comes home in a different kiss-stained uniform. Some d…
My Piece About What It Would Be Like If I Wrote A Piece for the FYC #
1
CDL '21   •   October 2020
– What started out as a frankly disgusting case of unbelievable obesity had snowballed into a…
City Nights, 3029
20
GPCP '22   •   May 2022
It’s Saturday night, and I’m looking for trouble. Shades. Scowl. Leather jacket in all …
Wheel of Fortune
31
MFP '23-24   •   December 2022
Contestant #1: I’d like to solve the puzzle: Host: Go right ahead. _’D   L_KE &n…
The Taco Bell on Beverly
30
HBF '19   •   January 2020
“Where are you going?” you ask the homeless man wandering down San Vicente. “Don&…
Funding Needed for Life-Saving Surgery
251
EB '24   •   May 2022
(二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二二)$0 raised out of $50000 Please donate to my life-saving surgery. I cannot …
Elvis's Draft Letter
87
LKN '25   •   March 2023
This message is addressed to Presley, Elvis. Dear Sir: You are hereby notified that you have been…
A Day in the Life of Hamish Olsen, New York, 19
55
CDL '21   •   December 2020
She looked at him like a deer in headlights might look at someone if it had human eyes. Hamish had …
A Quest
3
ASB '17   •   December 2020
I’m embarking on a quest to personally give a big thumbs-up to the child who made my iPhone. …
Morning Announcements
117
SEH '26   •   December 2023
Good morning Vietnam! No, it's not Robin Williams. I know everyone gets excited every time I do tha…
Raised by Wolves
36
LKN '25   •   December 2023
-Hello class, today we have a new student. He was raised by wolves. -Hi, everyone. I’m Drew.…
Lampy Goes to Bartaco
63
The Harvard Lampoon   •   October 2022
What is the only thing Harvard students like more than telling people they went to school “ri…