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Pieces

Blockbuster
22
MAG '21-'22   •   October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
Driving to a Burger Joint
CAS '12   •   October 2018
“You gonna bring the shit tonight or what?”  Simon was riding shotgun in Bill Shi…
Fireman
59
OMA '24   •   December 2022
As a fireman, I face difficult decisions on a daily and nightly basis. For instance, do I take the …
Krauts
11
BWM '19-'21   •   October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…
Hell
13
MAG '21-'22   •   November 2020
There’s a special place in hell for weird guys who can’t be kept in the regular part of…
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21   •   November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
My First Kid
49
NGH '23   •   December 2022
Opening scene: my wife’s going into labor. I watch a lot of TV, so I know what to do. “…
Lifeguard
27
MFP '23-24   •   December 2022
Kid: Help, I’m drowning! Hot Lifeguard: Clint, go get him! Fat Lifeguard: Really?  Ho…
Frogs
70
AMC '23   •  
Vanitas
JLG '21   •   October 2020
Dear Judging Committee for the American Society for Magazine Editors, I notice you have not been r…
Hit, That, Button
10
BWM '19-'21   •   October 2018
“How you folks doin tonight!?” Wooot, wooooooot! “Coming at you from the city o…
Application
83
EBC '22-'23   •   October 2020
Hey Angel- Thanks for letting me read your college essay! I’ve left a few comments below. L…
Lifeguarding
15
MAG '21-'22   •   December 2018
Lifeguard: (sips smoothie) I’m just saying: if your kid was “drowning in the deep end&r…
If Money Grew On Trees
62
SAB '24   •  
- Environmental protection would be bipartisan. - In the fall, you could substitute real money wit…
The C5 Beer Pong Table Piece
10
GPL '21-'22   •   December 2019
So you’re in the market for a custom Beer Pong Table, preferably in the C4 through C6 range, …
Swearing Kills
54
MFP '23-24   •   May 2022
Gun Show
1
MAG '21-'22   •   July 2021
Turbus: And this here is the Heckler and Koch SR9, with extra bolt-action to make your kills absolu…
Classical Conditioning
118
MFP '23-24   •   January 2022
Alright class, today we’re going to cover something called classical conditioning. Can I get …
The Death of Kenzo Simmons
10
BWM '19-'21   •   May 2021
-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death.  -Wow, so you mus…
‘Tucket
109
JLN '21-22   •   June 2020
Hot Babes. Everywhere. Oyster season baby. Oyster. Fucking. Season. Summer on the ‘Tuck. If y…