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Pieces

Apology
17
EAT '24   •   May 2023
Thank you to the school committee for having me. You may know me as the woman whose son killed the …
Why I Wish I Was a Green Boy Instead of a Blue Boy
27
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2020
I was born a blue boy, but my whole life I’ve wanted to be a big green boy. Green boys get to…
One for the Road Comix
23
MIC '26   •   December 2023
‘Tucket
109
JLN '21-22   •   June 2020
Hot Babes. Everywhere. Oyster season baby. Oyster. Fucking. Season. Summer on the ‘Tuck. If y…
Good Cop, Bad Cop, Jelly-Donut Cop
43
JTB '20-22   •   December 2020
Bad Cop: We have your fingerprints on the gun, the doorknob, and the victim, punk. Good Cop: Hey j…
May I Approach the Bench?
24
OMA '24   •   May 2023
You may, but keep it quick, I have five minutes until Judge Judy comes on, and I’m going to…
Van Gogh
60
JKF '25   •   September 2022
“Let’s start this interview with a simple question. Van, in just a few sentences, how d…
Visit California
134
EAT '24   •   May 2022
Litter
116
SMR '25   •  
I was born with so much upward vertical velocity that by the time I plunged back through the roof m…
Me & My Babies
7
CDL '21   •   November 2020
I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral…
A Taste of My Own Medicine
10
YMC '21-'22   •   October 2020
Most people don’t believe this, but my job wasn’t always swindling terminally-ill peopl…
Titles of Movies I Wrote About Time Travel
10
PKS '21-'22   •   April 2021
-   I Go Back in Time and Kick Dust All Over the JonBenet Ramsey Crime Scene -   I Go B…
Lolita
102
NGH '23   •   December 2022
Lolita, light of my life, I feel fire in my loins. I lit my underwear on fire for you, Lolita. No o…
Advice For A New CIA Agent
15
HHD   •   October 2008
Welcome to your first day in the CIA. First of all, congratulations. If you’re an agent, you …
My Cult
3
NGH '23   •   June 2021
If you’re thinking about joining a classic, hardcore, intense kind of cult, then only think a…
Reddit History
10
MAG '21-'22   •   June 2020
Comment on New Zelda Game Out! by /u/bowzrrr999 in /r/nintendo [–] GREG_THE_MAN  0 poin…
Oliver Twist
14
RYSL   •   September 2022
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight I have the honor of performing the annual orphan monologue for this y…
Missy Manners
126
Josh Lieb '93   •   November 2020
Okay, so you’re in the cafeteria. They’re serving peas. The boy across from you is thro…
Sunglasses
AJ '18   •   December 2020
I was so excited when I got my first pair of sun-glasses, because I was able to see things tha…
If Money Grew On Trees
62
SAB '24   •  
- Environmental protection would be bipartisan. - In the fall, you could substitute real money wit…