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Pieces

Chained To A Tree
67
EAT '24   •  
When they were all like “We need someone to chain themselves to this tree!” I was all l…
Hindenburg
38
MRB FOD   •   May 2023
Only 35 of the 97 total passengers were killed in the Hindenburg Blimp disaster. This has really ta…
The Trial of the Decade
17
MMM '20   •   October 2020
Frankly, it seemed certain that Marco would get lunch detention. Frank Lee, our principal, along wi…
Polygamy
1086
JRD '22-'23   •   November 2020
-Hey man, you gonna make it to the barbecue this Saturday? –(Groans) Ughhh I really wish I c…
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21   •   November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
Brinkmanship
36
CLC '22-'23   •   May 2022
“The ability to get to the verge without getting into the war is the necessary art” &nd…
Marco Polo
16
HJH '19   •   March 2019
Marco Polo travelled the world trading spices, documenting his experiences. Today, I entered the c…
Mall Santa
18
JPW '21   •   October 2020
Beep. Beep. Beep. 5:15 AM. I sigh. I brew my morning coffee and catch up on the news — just …
Crazy Parents
4
JBO '10   •   October 2008
CRAZY PARENTS are a huge problem for all of us. But are your parents crazy in a comedy way, or a re…
Lolita
102
NGH '23   •   December 2022
Lolita, light of my life, I feel fire in my loins. I lit my underwear on fire for you, Lolita. No o…
FOMO Cop
101
SMR '25   •   May 2023
There were never any parties where I grew up. Believe me—I asked everybody. For my eighteenth…
Business Presentation
11
CDL '21   •   June 2018
ME: And by subverting double axial capital inflows we can mobilize revenue twice as fast. SMITH: I…
President Nice Guy
30
HFJ '18   •   December 2020
Richard Holton, our first Nice Guy president, eased out of the womb on December 24, 1921, giving do…
Larry takes a trip on Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas
FSS '21   •   March 2020
Patricia: Hello everyone and welcome to Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas. My name is Patricia…
Sleeper Agent
52
RYSL   •   May 2023
My first company-wide meeting as chairman started smoothly, but when I announced my plan to ban uni…
Sleepy Sam
48
JRD '22-'23   •  
Coming soon to a theater near you… (upbeat music playing) Sam Shmorganstein is a zookeeper w…
Rare
1
HJH '19   •   December 2020
Some things are less rare than you think. Winning the Lottery My friend Rigley won the lottery ye…
My Steed
8
MFP '23-24   •   September 2022
Good evening, Lady Harrington. I have arrived on my mighty steed to take you away to — pardon…
Paul McCartney Hyping Himself Up Outside of Ricky’s Pub Before Naming The Beatles – July 14, 1958, Liverpool
71
JFAR '19-'22   •   August 2019
Okay Paul. You’ve got this mate. You’re gonna go in there, you’re gonna march rig…
Krauts
11
BWM '19-'21   •   October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…