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Pieces
A Knight's Quest
96
RYSL •
The object of your next quest is to smite a dragon. No, not ‘he.’ This dragon is female…
Mime Hero
41
EB '24 • May 2023
Lawyer: Hey sir, I know you’re on the clock, but you really need to talk right now. A flower?…
Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
2
MAG '21-'22 • September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
2009 Make-A-Wish
51
JGB '25 •
LeBron: Well, it’s been great having you here, bud! (smiles at TV cameras) Kid: Listen, LeBr…
Johnny Adventure, Space Cashier
57
JRD '22-'23 •
It’s the future, but not so far in the future that cashiers are obsolete. We open on our prot…
Shark Tank U.S.S.R
49
PKS '21-'22 • October 2020
Host: Welcome to Shark Tank USSR. Alexei: Privet, sharks. Today I am asking for 0 rubles in …
Frogs
70
AMC '23 •
Whack-A-Mole
78
FOD '24 • January 2022
I walk in every morning and the arcade carny asks me, “what’ll it be?” I reply…
Run To End Lung Cancer
69
JLN '21-22 •
Me: The runners, they’re all...? Ref: All terminally ill lung-cancer patients. Me: Oh…
The Dust Bowl
LGF '21-'22 • December 2020
Football is not what it used to be. During my golden years, AKA the Great Depression, we were all i…
Chivalry is Dead
119
JGB '25 • May 2023
When I mention this to women, they usually say it’s not dead it’s just changed with the…
Waxing Thoughts
65
YMC '21-'22 • January 2022
“I understand your pain. I’ve gone through the same thing”:– the woman wa…
The Guys Who Invented Ping Pong
10
JLG '21 • July 2021
GUY 1: Check this out…(opens up the game PONG on Atari)GUY 2: Woah! (plays PONG)GUY 1: If on…
Polygamy
1086
JRD '22-'23 • November 2020
-Hey man, you gonna make it to the barbecue this Saturday? –(Groans) Ughhh I really wish I c…
Ray Charles
12
HBF '19 • December 2020
For forty years I’ve been Ray Charles’s private caretaker, helping make his dreams come…
Dear Historians,
SWR '19-'20 • March 2020
At the time of writing, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought the world to a standstill. Though the Lam…
Crowdsourcing Request
1
TBW '18 • December 2020
Hey Guys!I’m sending you this email to invite you to help with my crowdfunding campaign. I&r…
Raised by Wolves
36
LKN '25 • December 2023
-Hello class, today we have a new student. He was raised by wolves. -Hi, everyone. I’m Drew.…
Chaz's Adventures in Wonderland
37
EAT '24 •
So I was sitting all up in this tree with my Tinder and I saw this white rabbit. And like, that ass…
Ashes
11
JFAR '19-'22 • March 2019
-Well hereeeee you go Mrs. Johnson — your very own son’s ashes. -Why, doctor, these as…
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