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Pieces

New York
9
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
The Summer I Turned Into Danny DeVito
54
CYL '26   •   December 2023
My mom used to tell me that I just had to wait for puberty to hit and then I wouldn’t be ugly…
Glossary of Future Terms
10
MAG '21-'22   •   July 2021
Welcome to the Year 2435! Please step off the portal platform. Here are some words you’ll nee…
Playwriting
56
JLN '21-22   •   February 2020
Last Monday they caught me playwriting during detention.  “Well well well, what do we h…
Driving a Plane
42
EAT '24   •   September 2021
As I’m driving a plane down the highway, airport control radio crackles in, “Unit 332, …
Stars
13
NGH '23   •   June 2021
-Wow, you’re right, stargazing is pretty cool. -Stare long enough, and apparently you start …
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21   •   November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
Dating Simulator
26
GPCP '22   •   August 2021
It’s the first day at Romance Academy. A new student introduces herself to you: Mitzi, eighte…
A Worry
10
BWM '19-'21   •   March 2020
Sometimes I worry that there is a GMO soybean out to get me.It’s all fucked up and has like w…
The Beat Generation
17
MAG '21-'22   •   March 2019
Jazz flowed from the streets in the 50s. We swam naked in the churches. We prayed in the oceans. We…
SNOWED IN
10
ZDG '20   •   January 2020
Operator: 911, what’s your emergency? Me: I’m… stuck, in my cabin. I need human…
Application
83
EBC '22-'23   •   October 2020
Hey Angel- Thanks for letting me read your college essay! I’ve left a few comments below. L…
Cancun Trip Review
42
CLC '22-'23   •  
I knew spring break in Mexico was going to be fun – but not this fun. Who’d have though…
Squigley
10
GPCP '22   •   December 2021
Carl Squigley always had his nose buried in a book, which was buried in a still-flushing toilet. He…
Office Crush
70
YMC '21-'22   •   December 2022
From the moment I met Louise Arlington, I knew the girl was trouble. "Sir?", she said. My god, that…
The Woods
72
JLN '21-22   •   November 2019
I bring you out here at the end of summer every year. You notice that? My father did the same. My f…
Hell
13
MAG '21-'22   •   November 2020
There’s a special place in hell for weird guys who can’t be kept in the regular part of…
My Cult
3
NGH '23   •   June 2021
If you’re thinking about joining a classic, hardcore, intense kind of cult, then only think a…
Condolences
61
OECGP ’22-’24   •   March 2023
Tue, Jun 9, 2:47 PM Hey bud, I was super bummed to see that obituary about you this morning. Big c…
Bulimia Recovery Clinic
81
YMC '21-'22   •   March 2022
My parents decided to send me to the public Bulimia Recovery Clinic over in Toad Suck, Arkansas the…