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Pieces
Secret Journal
6
GPCP '22 • December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
How I Stopped 9/11
211
RD '24 •
I strut into the hideout, the most beautiful girl Osama bin Laden has ever seen. Osama bin L…
Squigley
10
GPCP '22 • December 2021
Carl Squigley always had his nose buried in a book, which was buried in a still-flushing toilet. He…
My Speech For Tonight
35
RIP '09 • October 2008
Hi everyone. I’m Jess’s father. Thank you all for coming to Jess’s sweet sixteen.…
Love Song
MFP '23-24 • November 2020
This next song goes out to Janet Fisher, a very special girl in my life. Janet are you here tonight…
Suburban Journaling
48
JKF '25 • December 2023
On summer nights, I would sit by the train tracks. There wasn’t much to do around town except…
Springtime Getaway
23
OMA '24 • September 2021
Hello! Welcome to Go Chase Happiness And Dreams Travel Agency. Hi, my 8-months pregna…
May December Romance
103
EB '24 •
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
Career Day
10
MFP '23-24 • December 2021
My dad has the coolest job ever. Everyday he comes home in a different kiss-stained uniform. Some d…
Cowboy Fantasies
6
MAG '21-'22 • March 2020
“I’ve been having cowboy fantasies again,” I mumble, before kicking through the s…
Life After the Lampoon
18
JFAR '19-'22 • August 2019
Conan O’Brien: Juan, congrats on graduating! Here, take this. Me: Wow, another Ferrari! Con…
Titles of Movies I Wrote About Time Travel
10
PKS '21-'22 • April 2021
- I Go Back in Time and Kick Dust All Over the JonBenet Ramsey Crime Scene - I Go B…
2009 Make-A-Wish
51
JGB '25 •
LeBron: Well, it’s been great having you here, bud! (smiles at TV cameras) Kid: Listen, LeBr…
Trying To Write Mental Health Pieces When Your Mental Health Is Pretty Okay At The Moment
221
GPCP '22 • January 2022
You close your laptop, wishing you had something real to write about. The first three pieces about …
Opening Line of My Book
BWM '19-'21 • February 2020
“Alright everyone… settle down, settle down, if you could all gather round, come a lit…
Richard A. Smith: The Hero
52
MFP '23-24 • December 2021
It’s every kid’s dream to be a superhero, which is why I spend all my time wandering ar…
Horses
318
CLHC '26 • May 2023
I first saw her in English class. After a quick forty-minute search of Google, I found out that she…
A Worry
10
BWM '19-'21 • March 2020
Sometimes I worry that there is a GMO soybean out to get me.It’s all fucked up and has like w…
My Dog and All My Coworkers’ Dogs All Got Food Poisoning From the Office Dog Food Stash and It Was Really Awful and Sad
16
YMC '21-'22 • September 2021
Monday Me: (crying at desk).Lisa: Sorry to hear about your Maltese dog, Doug. When my su…
Blockbuster
22
MAG '21-'22 • October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
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