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Pieces

A Man with a Limp and Three Glass Eyes
4
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2020
Who am I? I’m the guy who sits in the bar all day and waits for some tall dark and handsome h…
Eulogy
46
JKF '25   •   September 2022
Welcome, Parishers. I am honored to speak in this holy chapel. You may call me Father Tod. I am not…
Chained To A Tree
68
EAT '24   •  
When they were all like “We need someone to chain themselves to this tree!” I was all l…
That Guy
BWM '19-'21   •   March 2020
-Hey, who is that?-That guy, over there? I don’t know.-He must be pretty important-What makes…
Sometimes when I’m thinking…
12
MAG '21-'22   •   November 2020
Sometimes when I’m thinking about doing something a little devil will pop up on one of my sho…
Litter
116
SMR '25   •  
I was born with so much upward vertical velocity that by the time I plunged back through the roof m…
Kashan Rugs
10
EAH   •   May 2022
Toss Me Off The Edge, Then, Why Don’t You?
ZDG '20   •   August 2020
Oh, sure. Back me up further to the edge of the boat. I don’t mind. Are you pissed? You seem …
My Dog and All My Coworkers’ Dogs All Got Food Poisoning From the Office Dog Food Stash and It Was Really Awful and Sad
16
YMC '21-'22   •   September 2021
Monday Me: (crying at desk).Lisa: Sorry to hear about your Maltese dog, Doug. When my su…
My Feminism
23
AJ '18   •   December 2020
Even though it’s harder than ever before to be a woman, it’s easier than ever to be a f…
Ray Charles
12
HBF '19   •   December 2020
For forty years I’ve been Ray Charles’s private caretaker, helping make his dreams come…
Hottest Girls In School
12
YMC '21-'22   •   December 2021
And, action.  Open on the Three Hottest Girls in school, walking in unison, places in all the…
Two Bailiffs Talk Before Court Starts
21
TAF '19   •   October 2018
– First day, huh. Nervous? I know I was. – No. I have everything set up. I prepared th…
Love Song
MFP '23-24   •   November 2020
This next song goes out to Janet Fisher, a very special girl in my life. Janet are you here tonight…
My Speech For Tonight
35
RIP '09   •   October 2008
Hi everyone. I’m Jess’s father. Thank you all for coming to Jess’s sweet sixteen.…
Donate Broth
49
JGB '25   •   May 2022
Video Game Pitch
23
JRD '22-'23   •  
Sit down gentlemen, I have our next hit game. You thought Sonic The Hedgehog made us rich? Well Son…
Voice-Activated Lights
155
SMR '25   •   March 2023
— I’m excited to see your new place finally.— Here, let me turn on the lights. AH…
Brain Man
42
JKF '25   •   March 2023
Knock knock. Hey silly. It’s me. The deceased 50 year old man who has permanently mov…
Teacher’s Note
31
MFP '23-24   •   July 2021
Dear Parent, If you are receiving this note it means that your child has been enrolled in my class…