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Pieces
Vanitas
LRK '21-'22 • January 2021
Dear Readers, My greatest hope for you all is that you actually know how to read because t…
Hit, That, Button
10
BWM '19-'21 • October 2018
“How you folks doin tonight!?” Wooot, wooooooot! “Coming at you from the city o…
Protest
47
SAB FOD • May 2023
Greetings, assembled cabinet ministers of the Soviet Union. I have a confession to make. I am not a…
Glossary of Future Terms
10
MAG '21-'22 • July 2021
Welcome to the Year 2435! Please step off the portal platform. Here are some words you’ll nee…
Genesis
10
HJH '19 • December 2020
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, but …
SchopenMeower Cartoons
24
AMC '23 • May 2022
Goin’ West
DRM '18 • December 2020
Uh oh. I did it again. Fell asleep after all the kids got on the bus, so now I gotta get all these …
Eulogy
46
JKF '25 • September 2022
Welcome, Parishers. I am honored to speak in this holy chapel. You may call me Father Tod. I am not…
Tuxedo
13
MAS '18 • September 2020
Glad I’ve got someone interested in buying Tuxedo. My father died in this tuxedo, and then it…
Surf Trip
47
HJH '19 • December 2020
I’ll never forget the summer I road-tripped to Hawaii with my two best friends. While it star…
Tom and Jerry Spec Script
3
HJH '19 • October 2020
Tom is strolling along the railroad tracks, whistling a happy tune. Jerry walks parallel to Tom on …
Warning from the Future
90
RYSL • March 2023
Dear Ethan, I am your great-great-great-great-grandson, and I sent this message from the future to…
Pervert Alert: My Friend Josh
67
FOD '24 • December 2021
My friend Josh, hoo boy. That guy’s into some really fucked up stuff. Just look at him. Gre…
Turing Test
35
FOD '24 • March 2023
— Hey check it out, it’s our lab's newest artificial intelligence. &mdas…
World Famous Worm
60
FOD '24 • December 2021
We had barely started the road trip when we started seeing the signs advertising the ‘World&r…
A Quest
3
ASB '17 • December 2020
I’m embarking on a quest to personally give a big thumbs-up to the child who made my iPhone. …
Mall Santa
18
JPW '21 • October 2020
Beep. Beep. Beep. 5:15 AM. I sigh. I brew my morning coffee and catch up on the news — just …
Dandelion Tales
6
JEC '21 • May 2021
Heineken in one hand and Paradise Lost essay in the other, Dandelion cruised down Lafayette at a co…
Donate Broth
49
JGB '25 • May 2022
Lose Yourself Artist Commentary
2
JGS '20 • October 2019
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