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Pieces

If It Were Big Bird
MAK '21   •   May 2021
In 1986, instead of an elementary school teacher, NASA had initially considered Big Bird as their f…
Organ Harvesting
58
JGB '25   •  
Dealer: Just give me the money. Buyer: Hang on. I want to see the goods first. (Dealer motions to…
Online Quiz
15
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2020
Take this short quiz and see if we can guess where you were born! How do you pronounce Mayonnaise?…
Larry takes a trip on Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas
FSS '21   •   March 2020
Patricia: Hello everyone and welcome to Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas. My name is Patricia…
Accountant
58
OMA '24   •   May 2023
Those files better say that I can buy a boat, Gene. My wife loves boats. My girlfriend loves boat…
A Retelling of Jaws By Someone Who Has Definitely Seen It
16
FSS '21   •   October 2020
Jaws…yes. Jaws is the story of a very big shark. Everyone knows that. Especially those who h…
Vanitas
10
AJ '18   •   December 2020
Now that you finally have this issue in your hands, you’re probably wondering one thing and o…
Missy Manners
126
Josh Lieb '93   •   November 2020
Okay, so you’re in the cafeteria. They’re serving peas. The boy across from you is thro…
Churchill
22
MAG '21-'22   •   July 2021
Winston Churchill, known for all of his political and military accomplishments, was also a Nobel Pr…
If Money Grew On Trees
62
SAB '24   •  
- Environmental protection would be bipartisan. - In the fall, you could substitute real money wit…
Swearing Kills
54
MFP '23-24   •   May 2022
Relax
10
MJS '19   •   October 2018
Welcome to my zen meditation studio, kemosabe. Now get those clothes off and get on the table, the …
Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
2
MAG '21-'22   •   September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
Chaz's Adventures in Wonderland
37
EAT '24   •  
So I was sitting all up in this tree with my Tinder and I saw this white rabbit. And like, that ass…
Therapy
94
OMA '24   •   January 2022
Okay, Nathan. Now tell me what you see in this picture.  That’s a headshot of you, bu…
Warning from the Future
90
RYSL   •   March 2023
Dear Ethan, I am your great-great-great-great-grandson, and I sent this message from the future to…
School Tour
20
EBC '22-'23   •   November 2019
Hey. Hey you. Yeah, you, freshman. Come here. Not so close. You want to see the real secrets this s…
One Man Show
36
EPS '24   •   August 2021
The janitor was diligently color-coding dust when the director burst in. “Mort, none of the a…
My Feminism
23
AJ '18   •   December 2020
Even though it’s harder than ever before to be a woman, it’s easier than ever to be a f…
‘Tucket
109
JLN '21-22   •   June 2020
Hot Babes. Everywhere. Oyster season baby. Oyster. Fucking. Season. Summer on the ‘Tuck. If y…