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Pieces
Mr. Worldwide
26
CDL '21 • December 2020
Pitbull’s plane touches down at Miami International Airport at 12:43 on a Tuesday. He’s…
Dear Historians,
SWR '19-'20 • March 2020
At the time of writing, the COVID-19 pandemic has brought the world to a standstill. Though the Lam…
Accountant
58
OMA '24 • May 2023
Those files better say that I can buy a boat, Gene. My wife loves boats. My girlfriend loves boat…
Lifeguard
27
MFP '23-24 • December 2022
Kid: Help, I’m drowning! Hot Lifeguard: Clint, go get him! Fat Lifeguard: Really? Ho…
Modern Mom Gritty Reboot
43
CLC '22-'23 • May 2023
(Lights up. Camera pans over a grayscale suburb.) VOICEOVER: The modern mom is secure. (Flash: a …
Vanitas
10
AJ '18 • December 2020
Now that you finally have this issue in your hands, you’re probably wondering one thing and o…
Shark Tank U.S.S.R
49
PKS '21-'22 • October 2020
Host: Welcome to Shark Tank USSR. Alexei: Privet, sharks. Today I am asking for 0 rubles in …
Lobotomy
97
GPCP '22 • January 2022
I sit down at the lunch table with a pruning saw and a smile. “Well, boys, I finally did it. …
Antidepressants
198
EBC '22-'23 • January 2022
What they don’t tell you about starting antidepressants is that sometimes you’ll try to…
Buzzer
45
GPL '21-'22 • November 2019
– Hey dude how do we know our pizza is ready for pick-up? – The buzzer they gave us. …
Sleeper Agent
52
RYSL • May 2023
My first company-wide meeting as chairman started smoothly, but when I announced my plan to ban uni…
2009 Make-A-Wish
51
JGB '25 •
LeBron: Well, it’s been great having you here, bud! (smiles at TV cameras) Kid: Listen, LeBr…
Wheel of Fortune
31
MFP '23-24 • December 2022
Contestant #1: I’d like to solve the puzzle: Host: Go right ahead. _’D L_KE &n…
Organ Harvesting
58
JGB '25 •
Dealer: Just give me the money. Buyer: Hang on. I want to see the goods first. (Dealer motions to…
D-Day Picnic
ZDG '20 • June 2020
Soldiers: (storm the beach) (lots of explosions) Father: What the heck we’re having a picnic…
Fireman
59
OMA '24 • December 2022
As a fireman, I face difficult decisions on a daily and nightly basis. For instance, do I take the …
Tech Support Chat
GPL '21-'22 • October 2020
– Hey is this the–uh–the Niteflirt phone sex line? – No, sorry, this is th…
Texting on My Laptop
19
MAG '21-'22 • February 2019
Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Sarah, sorry. Me: I didn’t realize hitt…
Dialogue Options in Fallout: New Cambridge
91
JTK '24 • May 2022
Stranger: Hey there traveler! Is there anything I can help you with? [1] I’m very hu…
Excerpts From the Great American Novel
84
JLN '21-22 • February 2020
It was time for them to head west with just the shirts on their backs and the shirts on their legs.…
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