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Pieces

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Goin’ West
December 2020
Uh oh. I did it again. Fell asleep after all the kids got on the bus, so now I gotta get all these …
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Lifeguard
15
December 2022
Kid: Help, I’m drowning! Hot Lifeguard: Clint, go get him! Fat Lifeguard: Really?  Ho…
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Glossary of Future Terms
10
July 2021
Welcome to the Year 2435! Please step off the portal platform. Here are some words you’ll nee…
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Safari
1
September 2020
“And here you’ll see the world’s fastest animal, the cheetah. A beautiful example…
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Dear President
19
October 2019
Dear President, My name is Bradley and I am 8. I’m from Ohio and my mom won’t let me p…
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SNOWED IN
10
January 2020
Operator: 911, what’s your emergency? Me: I’m… stuck, in my cabin. I need human…
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Ways to Get Away with Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater
73
- Wait for the movie to have a scene with explosions, then point and yell fire  - Rent out an…
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Missy Manners
23
Josh Lieb '93
November 2020
Okay, so you’re in the cafeteria. They’re serving peas. The boy across from you is thro…
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Lawnmower
1
December 2020
Want to stop mowing your lawn like a quivering pussy? Then shut the fuck up and buy the GRASS-FUCKE…
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Rare
December 2020
Some things are less rare than you think. Winning the Lottery My friend Rigley won the lottery ye…
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Birthday Card
October 2008
GRANDFATHER: Here’s a card from me. Happy birthday. SON: Thanks, grandpa. MOTHER: Read it a…
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Blockbuster
22
October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
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The Royal We
August 2017
The Royal We was a sitcom about King Arthur and his loyal knight and roommate Sir Elton John Episo…
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Store Closing
December 2020
To Our Valued Customers, I regret to inform you that here at Frank’s Drugstore and Candy Emp…
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BMW
8
May 2022
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Letter to Roosevelt
January 2020
In 1939, at the urging of physicist Leo Szilárd, Einstein wrote a letter to FDR, informing h…
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Vanitas
January 2021
Dear Readers,   My greatest hope for you all is that you actually know how to read because t…
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Springtime Getaway
13
September 2021
Hello! Welcome to Go Chase Happiness And Dreams Travel Agency.  Hi, my 8-months pregna…
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World Famous Worm
40
December 2021
We had barely started the road trip when we started seeing the signs advertising the ‘World&r…
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Dinner Date
November 2020
Lindsey: It is so hot that you speak French, Jack.Jack: Ah, but how else would I order . . . la cr&…