Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019
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What’s New
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
Winter 2024
Imaginary Friends #
Spring 2024
This issue is not real, but merely a figment of your imagination...
Check it Out
Crimson Parody
Spring ’25
The Lampoon's Spring 2025 parody of the Harvard Crimson
The Latest
My Pitch
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by JKF '25
Oh, you want my... startup idea? Well, no, I couldn’t...
WWII Telegram
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by AWE '27
Shortly before the end of WWII, Hitler sent a last ditch telegram to the President of Mexico asking him to join the Nazi cause...
Thoughts From The Guy Who Stands Behind The Mona Lisa All Day And Looks Through The Holes Where The Eyes Used To Be
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by SEH '26
Okay. Focus. You’re your own last line of defense. Can’t let them steal me...
Paranoia
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by CYL '26
Kevin: Umm, I guess I would have to say Amy...
Blizorps
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by SMR '25
In the year 2000, the Creator of Planet Blizorping put two Blizorps in sleeper pods to travel to Earth...
Method Actors Anonymous
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by AGDP '26
To study for a role as a troubled alcoholic, Leonardo DiCaprio attended several real Alcoholics Anonymous meetings...
Quick Update
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by RB '26
To my dear patients it goes without saying that I will not be taking cancer advice from anyone with cancer...
Barbie Gets Breast Cancer
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by KMB '26
Welcome to the first support group meeting for Barbies with Cancer. Please help yourself to some Easy-Bake banana bread...
A Very Special Strealer
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by JRC '27
The Red Sox are leading the Yankees in a 2-1 nail-biter going into the ninth inning. Aaron Judge steps up to bat, and—hang on, folks—he’s been shoved out of the way by a buck naked streaker...
If I Were A Horse
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by DKN ’27
I’m not a horse yet, but here’s things I will do if I become one...
Post-Modern Family
Entirely Secret & Completely Optional #
• by KMB '26
Mr. Parker marries Esmeralda, a Colombian bombshell 20 years his senior with...
Confessional
README #
• by SMR '25
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned...
Deep Cuts
The Last Tiger’s Deathbed
One Last Dance #
• by CAS '12
It was a rainy night in November and at the Bronx Zoo a crowd of hundreds of thousands braved the el...
The Black Death
Family Friendly Comedy #
• by YMC '21-'22
- Anne, mine old friend, I… I hast been touch'd by the bubonic plague.- Nay! Prithee, Margaret, bid ...
Modern Mom Gritty Reboot
The Quixotic #
• by CLC '22-'23
(Lights up. Camera pans over a grayscale suburb.) VOICEOVER: The modern mom is secure. (Flash: a p...
Escape Room
README #
• by MFP '23-24
— (To microphone in the corner of the room) Excuse me? We’re stumped. Could we get a hint? — (Over ...
Lobotomy
The Mental Health Issue #
• by GPCP '22
I sit down at the lunch table with a pruning saw and a smile. “Well, boys, I finally did it. I self-...
Riddle
Upside Up #
• by GPCP '22
Q: A man and his son get into a car accident. The father is killed, while the son is rushed to the h...
Book Discussion
Best Served Cold #
• by OMA '24
Teacher: Greg, could you open discussion on the theme of villainy in Great Expectations?Greg: Well…t...
Half Day
Smellfungus #
• by MAG '21-'22
Good afternoon, parents. Principal Mueller here calling to inform you that your student has been rel...
The Dust Bowl
Sets in the West #
• by LGF '21-'22
Football is not what it used to be. During my golden years, AKA the Great Depression, we were all in...
Dropping My D-Hall Tray
Family Friendly Comedy #
• by MMM '20
No, dude. No no no no this is not happening right now. I’ve lightly grazed the doorframe on my way o...
Types of Standoffs
Mutually Assured Destruction #
• by BGS '22-'23
Mexican standoff: A confrontation among two or more armed parties, none of which wants to attack fir...
St. Louis Children’s Theatre Production Company
Smellfungus #
• by PKS '21-'22
Hello kids, thanks for coming out to audition. First, a little bit about me. My unrelenting passion ...
Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019
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