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Pieces
Driving to a Burger Joint
CAS '12 • October 2018
“You gonna bring the shit tonight or what?” Simon was riding shotgun in Bill Shi…
The Life of a Cowboy
86
AJ '18 • December 2020
I was only five years old when my grandpappy taught me how to shoot a gun. “Pull the trigger …
Lobotomy
97
GPCP '22 • January 2022
I sit down at the lunch table with a pruning saw and a smile. “Well, boys, I finally did it. …
Retirement Compound Salesman
28
MAV '23-'24 • November 2020
Apt. 1B: Hello there! How often have you dropped that Life Alert of yours into the toilet? At your …
Elvis's Draft Letter
87
LKN '25 • March 2023
This message is addressed to Presley, Elvis. Dear Sir: You are hereby notified that you have been…
Dandelion Tales
6
JEC '21 • May 2021
Heineken in one hand and Paradise Lost essay in the other, Dandelion cruised down Lafayette at a co…
Frogs
70
AMC '23 •
2020 International Video Game Awards Acceptance Speech
10
JLG '21 • October 2020
Oh, thank you, really thank you so much. This award…it truly means so much to me. Well, it l…
My First Real Piece Ever
1
DJL '20 • October 2020
This is not a real piece, just my observation about pieces, and I am a human writing this, a perfec…
Waterboy
90
NGH '23 • January 2022
It’s my first day as waterboy. The rest of staff is nowhere to be found, so I guess I gotta…
Lose Yourself Artist Commentary
2
JGS '20 • October 2019
The Time I Got Caught Milking
22
YMC '21-'22 • February 2020
One time I was at the farm, milking some cows when Bobby, the guy that owns the farm, comes out run…
Blockbuster
22
MAG '21-'22 • October 2020
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to r…
Eugenics
ASB '17 • December 2020
– Looks like your baby came out of the eugenics machine beautifully. – Doctor, that is…
The Art of the Username
11
PKS '21-'22 • May 2020
Choosing a permanent username is a lot like choosing a name for your new baby insofar as it’s…
2019 World Expo
14
SWR '19-'20 • March 2019
– Attention please, the presentation by Tajikistan will begin in 5 minutes. – (20 minu…
Hindenburg
38
MRB FOD • May 2023
Only 35 of the 97 total passengers were killed in the Hindenburg Blimp disaster. This has really ta…
Morning Announcements
106
SEH '26 • December 2023
Good morning Vietnam! No, it's not Robin Williams. I know everyone gets excited every time I do tha…
Guest Lecture by Joseph Campbell at University of Chicago, Transcript 11/24/68
33
JTB '20-22 • December 2020
Good evening students. I’d like to begin by thanking those of you who showed up to this lectu…
The Death of Kenzo Simmons
10
BWM '19-'21 • May 2021
-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death. -Wow, so you mus…
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