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Pieces

Polygamy
1086
JRD '22-'23   •   November 2020
-Hey man, you gonna make it to the barbecue this Saturday? –(Groans) Ughhh I really wish I c…
Ice Gun
MFP '23-24   •   September 2021
- You know that I love and support you, right? - Of course. - And that goes for anything, includi…
Yearbook Signing
10
MAG '21-'22   •   May 2021
-Hey Brad, want me to sign your yearbook? -Of course, Dylan! Good luck at Dartmouth next year. We&…
Marco Polo
16
HJH '19   •   March 2019
Marco Polo travelled the world trading spices, documenting his experiences. Today, I entered the c…
How McDonalds Came Up With Grimace
1154
JRD '22-'23   •   May 2021
Businessman: As I was saying, what do kids love? Characters! We just ran with that. Businesswoman:…
Buzzer
45
GPL '21-'22   •   November 2019
– Hey dude how do we know our pizza is ready for pick-up? – The buzzer they gave us. …
Make Your Own Ad
15
CLC '22-'23   •   May 2022
Elvis's Draft Letter
87
LKN '25   •   March 2023
This message is addressed to Presley, Elvis. Dear Sir: You are hereby notified that you have been…
Inspired Musings
1
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2020
Scientists say that the murder rate goes up when there is a full moon. But so does the rate of peop…
Swearing Kills
54
MFP '23-24   •   May 2022
My Cult
3
NGH '23   •   June 2021
If you’re thinking about joining a classic, hardcore, intense kind of cult, then only think a…
Ray Charles
12
HBF '19   •   December 2020
For forty years I’ve been Ray Charles’s private caretaker, helping make his dreams come…
Tales of Vengeance
21
MAG '21-'22   •   September 2021
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times …
Litter
116
SMR '25   •  
I was born with so much upward vertical velocity that by the time I plunged back through the roof m…
2019 World Expo
14
SWR '19-'20   •   March 2019
– Attention please, the presentation by Tajikistan will begin in 5 minutes. – (20 minu…
Yo Mama So Fat
34
JFAR '19-'22   •   April 2019
-…is the best way I thought I could begin breaking this news, Timmy. I’m so sorry. She…
Love Song
MFP '23-24   •   November 2020
This next song goes out to Janet Fisher, a very special girl in my life. Janet are you here tonight…
The Count of Monte Cristo Returns to Marseilles
19
ASB '17   •   December 2020
Count: People of Marseilles! For twenty years you unfairly imprisoned me. Now behold my immens…
Lobotomy
97
GPCP '22   •   January 2022
I sit down at the lunch table with a pruning saw and a smile. “Well, boys, I finally did it. …
Lou Bega Gets Married
8
PKS '21-'22   •   July 2019
A little bit of Jenieva in my life A little bit of Jenieva by my side A little bit of Jenieva is …