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Pieces

The Summer I Turned Into Danny DeVito
53
CYL '26   •   December 2023
My mom used to tell me that I just had to wait for puberty to hit and then I wouldn’t be ugly…
Science Class
171
NGH '23   •   December 2022
Tommy: Aggghhh! It burns! It burns! (pulls safety shower lever)  Mr. Miller: Tommy, this can&…
The Art of the Username
11
PKS '21-'22   •   May 2020
Choosing a permanent username is a lot like choosing a name for your new baby insofar as it’s…
At a wedding reception
9
SWR '19-'20   •   October 2020
Well, here goes nothing… (jumps up on table) Ahem! Mr. and Mrs. Martinez, I can’t le…
Larry’s Donation
CDL '21   •   February 2020
Larry inhaled for a second, let the shivers pass, and proceeded to wipe the spunk off the glossy ma…
Dating Simulator
26
GPCP '22   •   August 2021
It’s the first day at Romance Academy. A new student introduces herself to you: Mitzi, eighte…
My First Crush
BWM '19-'21   •   November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
Polygamy
1086
JRD '22-'23   •   November 2020
-Hey man, you gonna make it to the barbecue this Saturday? –(Groans) Ughhh I really wish I c…
Game Theoretic Standoff
132
JRD '22-'23   •   May 2022
- Freeze, punk! I’ve got you in my pistol’s sights. You can either come over and let me…
The Death of Kenzo Simmons
10
BWM '19-'21   •   May 2021
-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death.  -Wow, so you mus…
Side Gig
69
JTK '24   •   May 2023
Every pizza shop’s dream is a delivery driver with no obligation to the law. That, or an Ital…
TV Salesman
13
ZDG '20   •   October 2020
Bread the TV Salesman started the day like any other: with a hot cup of coffee and a curse to his m…
Escape Room
63
MFP '23-24   •   March 2023
— (To microphone in the corner of the room) Excuse me? We’re stumped. Could we get a hi…
No More Sheriffs
4
JFAR '19-'22   •   May 2018
Happy Saturday everyone – good to see you at the town meeting. All our sheriffs died last nig…
Modern Mom Gritty Reboot
43
CLC '22-'23   •   May 2023
(Lights up. Camera pans over a grayscale suburb.) VOICEOVER: The modern mom is secure. (Flash: a …
New Cat
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2020
So a couple days ago my wife and I decided to restart the old marriage. Seeing as I’m impoten…
Toss Me Off The Edge, Then, Why Don’t You?
ZDG '20   •   August 2020
Oh, sure. Back me up further to the edge of the boat. I don’t mind. Are you pissed? You seem …
Application
83
EBC '22-'23   •   October 2020
Hey Angel- Thanks for letting me read your college essay! I’ve left a few comments below. L…
If It Were Big Bird
MAK '21   •   May 2021
In 1986, instead of an elementary school teacher, NASA had initially considered Big Bird as their f…
Yearbook Signing
10
MAG '21-'22   •   May 2021
-Hey Brad, want me to sign your yearbook? -Of course, Dylan! Good luck at Dartmouth next year. We&…