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Pieces

Video Game Pitch
23
JRD '22-'23   •  
Sit down gentlemen, I have our next hit game. You thought Sonic The Hedgehog made us rich? Well Son…
There’s No More Gazpacho In The Cupboard
12
MMM '20   •   October 2020
– What? – There’s no more cans of gazpacho in our cupboard. The hell am I suppos…
Cheat Codes for Ace Attorney
126
LKN '25   •   May 2023
085888C8 60000000 Win every court case0452FDBC 10000000 Infinite evidence0452FDBC 0FFFFFFF Finite, …
E=mcBUTT
10
MMM '20   •   February 2020
sigh No, Percival, it does not. But due to your father’s generous donation, I am… plea…
Heaven
113
CLC '22-'23   •   December 2022
– And the last thing is that the Build-A-Bear is closed Sundays, so you’ll want to plan…
Squirrels
71
RYSL   •  
My ideal hangover cure is a lazy afternoon at the park, sipping on a cold beer and talking with the…
The Woods
72
JLN '21-22   •   November 2019
I bring you out here at the end of summer every year. You notice that? My father did the same. My f…
Choose Your Own Adventure
40
JGB '25   •   May 2022
You are feeling awfully hungry today. What would you like to eat? > A ham sandwich. Keep readi…
Antidepressants
198
EBC '22-'23   •   January 2022
What they don’t tell you about starting antidepressants is that sometimes you’ll try to…
Wet Dream
126
MAG '21-'22   •   January 2022
At a sleepover. Kyle: Whoa! Brian what is that on your shorts?Brian: Uh, nothing! Kyle: Hey…
Why I Wish I Was a Green Boy Instead of a Blue Boy
27
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2020
I was born a blue boy, but my whole life I’ve wanted to be a big green boy. Green boys get to…
New York
9
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
Inventing the Wheel
8
MFP '23-24   •   July 2021
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you… the wheel! (Roaring applause) Just what exac…
My Trip to Cleveland
37
NSG '20-'22   •   December 2020
I’m going to be honest with you, reader—my sophomore fall didn’t get off to a gre…
2019 World Expo
14
SWR '19-'20   •   March 2019
– Attention please, the presentation by Tajikistan will begin in 5 minutes. – (20 minu…
Trying To Write Mental Health Pieces When Your Mental Health Is Pretty Okay At The Moment
221
GPCP '22   •   January 2022
You close your laptop, wishing you had something real to write about. The first three pieces about …
Red Dye 40
82
EAT '24   •   December 2023
I walk in the door, yoga pants bunched tight around my middle-aged buttocks. My husband thinks I&rs…
Polygamy
1086
JRD '22-'23   •   November 2020
-Hey man, you gonna make it to the barbecue this Saturday? –(Groans) Ughhh I really wish I c…
2009 Make-A-Wish
51
JGB '25   •  
LeBron: Well, it’s been great having you here, bud! (smiles at TV cameras) Kid: Listen, LeBr…
Playwriting
56
JLN '21-22   •   February 2020
Last Monday they caught me playwriting during detention.  “Well well well, what do we h…