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Pieces
Dear President
29
HJH '19 • October 2019
Dear President, My name is Bradley and I am 8. I’m from Ohio and my mom won’t let me p…
Tech Support Chat
GPL '21-'22 • October 2020
– Hey is this the–uh–the Niteflirt phone sex line? – No, sorry, this is th…
Bulimia Recovery Clinic
81
YMC '21-'22 • March 2022
My parents decided to send me to the public Bulimia Recovery Clinic over in Toad Suck, Arkansas the…
Video Game Pitch
23
JRD '22-'23 •
Sit down gentlemen, I have our next hit game. You thought Sonic The Hedgehog made us rich? Well Son…
Middle School Beauty
34
MJS '19 • June 2018
Wendy Perkins is the hottest girl in the 7th grade. She reads at a 6th grade level, but her body i…
Eulogy
46
JKF '25 • September 2022
Welcome, Parishers. I am honored to speak in this holy chapel. You may call me Father Tod. I am not…
Fight Song
6
JFAR '19-'22 • October 2018
This is the fight song for John Wayne Gacy, the Murderer, High School. JWG High We Love You …
New Partner
20
JFAR '19-'22 • January 2016
A cop’s #1 belief: I’m not gonna be the jerkoff that shoots his own partner. I live and…
Ashes
11
JFAR '19-'22 • March 2019
-Well hereeeee you go Mrs. Johnson — your very own son’s ashes. -Why, doctor, these as…
Frogs
70
AMC '23 •
SchopenMeower Cartoons
24
AMC '23 • May 2022
How I Stopped 9/11
211
RD '24 •
I strut into the hideout, the most beautiful girl Osama bin Laden has ever seen. Osama bin L…
Waxing Thoughts
65
YMC '21-'22 • January 2022
“I understand your pain. I’ve gone through the same thing”:– the woman wa…
Staring Contest
1
ghost • June 2020
Today is the big day I prove to everyone down by the pond that I’m tough enough to be here, a…
Run To End Lung Cancer
69
JLN '21-22 •
Me: The runners, they’re all...? Ref: All terminally ill lung-cancer patients. Me: Oh…
Geoffrey Sanders, World Explorer
10
PKS '21-'22 • November 2018
Antarctica - There aren’t many permanent residents so the scientists make friends with pengui…
Ways to Get Away with Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater
83
JGB '25 •
- Wait for the movie to have a scene with explosions, then point and yell fire - Rent out an…
Episode 243: The First One After the Robo War
25
SAB '24 •
An overnight robo-nuclear war killed everyone in the world except the production team and one of th…
Things To Say If You Want To Join The Cool Table
22
GPCP '22 • December 2021
Don’t mind me, lemme pull up a chair—backwards. My mom packs me lemon slices instead…
A Gentlemanly Cop
43
DCCP '25 • May 2023
Good evening, Mademoiselle. [I tip my hat and reveal a smaller fancier hat] You’re under ar…
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