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Pieces

Missy Manners
126
Josh Lieb '93   •   November 2020
Okay, so you’re in the cafeteria. They’re serving peas. The boy across from you is thro…
Puritan Party
30
RYSL FOD   •   May 2023
Hey. (gurgles) You think this is allowed? (spits) It’s not even really drinking, man! …
Mr. 305
34
FOD '24   •   September 2021
Ever had somebody tell you that you looked like a celebrity? For some it’s a blessing, but fo…
The Dust Bowl
LGF '21-'22   •   December 2020
Football is not what it used to be. During my golden years, AKA the Great Depression, we were all i…
FOMO Cop on the Job
59
OMA '24   •   May 2023
Driver: What seems to be the problem, officer? Officer: You been drinking tonight, sir? Where you …
New York
9
BWM '19-'21   •   December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
If Money Grew On Trees
62
SAB '24   •  
- Environmental protection would be bipartisan. - In the fall, you could substitute real money wit…
Trying To Write Mental Health Pieces When Your Mental Health Is Pretty Okay At The Moment
221
GPCP '22   •   January 2022
You close your laptop, wishing you had something real to write about. The first three pieces about …
Larry Buys Condoms
20
BWM '19-'21   •   March 2020
Larry: Hey, can I get some rubbers.  Clerk: Yeah, sure, what kind of johnny you looking for, …
Proposal
11
NSG '20-'22   •   December 2020
A successful relationship is about listening. That’s why, when my longtime girlfriend started…
Operation Enduring Freedom
BWM '19-'21   •   October 2020
George Bush:  Good afternoon. On my orders the United States military has begun coordinated at…
The Summer I Turned Into Danny DeVito
54
CYL '26   •   December 2023
My mom used to tell me that I just had to wait for puberty to hit and then I wouldn’t be ugly…
Hit, That, Button
10
BWM '19-'21   •   October 2018
“How you folks doin tonight!?” Wooot, wooooooot! “Coming at you from the city o…
Application
83
EBC '22-'23   •   October 2020
Hey Angel- Thanks for letting me read your college essay! I’ve left a few comments below. L…
Squirrels
71
RYSL   •  
My ideal hangover cure is a lazy afternoon at the park, sipping on a cold beer and talking with the…
President Nice Guy
30
HFJ '18   •   December 2020
Richard Holton, our first Nice Guy president, eased out of the womb on December 24, 1921, giving do…
Crowdsourcing Request
1
TBW '18   •   December 2020
Hey Guys!I’m sending you this email to invite you to help with my crowdfunding campaign. I&r…
2009 Make-A-Wish
51
JGB '25   •  
LeBron: Well, it’s been great having you here, bud! (smiles at TV cameras) Kid: Listen, LeBr…
Lifeguarding
15
MAG '21-'22   •   December 2018
Lifeguard: (sips smoothie) I’m just saying: if your kid was “drowning in the deep end&r…
Lover in the Night Comix
21
AMC '23   •   May 2023