Home About Comp Masthead Contact

Pieces

...
The Count of Monte Cristo Returns to Marseilles
December 2020
Count: People of Marseilles! For twenty years you unfairly imprisoned me. Now behold my immens…
...
Driving to a Burger Joint
October 2018
“You gonna bring the shit tonight or what?”  Simon was riding shotgun in Bill Shi…
...
Relax
10
October 2018
Welcome to my zen meditation studio, kemosabe. Now get those clothes off and get on the table, the …
...
Application
11
October 2020
Hey Angel- Thanks for letting me read your college essay! I’ve left a few comments below. L…
...
Girlfriend
15
September 2021
Of course I have a girlfriend, she just goes to another school. Which school? The, uh, the one a fe…
...
Hottest Girls In School
10
December 2021
And, action.  Open on the Three Hottest Girls in school, walking in unison, places in all the…
...
Tech Support Chat
October 2020
– Hey is this the–uh–the Niteflirt phone sex line? – No, sorry, this is th…
...
New York
9
December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
...
Gun Show
July 2021
Turbus: And this here is the Heckler and Koch SR9, with extra bolt-action to make your kills absolu…
...
Things To Say If You Want To Join The Cool Table
20
December 2021
Don’t mind me, lemme pull up a chair—backwards. My mom packs me lemon slices instead…
...
Hamilton
102
October 2020
This is the real story of something that occurred to me in 2008. John Weidman ‘68: I hear we…
...
Hell
November 2020
There’s a special place in hell for weird guys who can’t be kept in the regular part of…
...
Springtime Getaway
12
September 2021
Hello! Welcome to Go Chase Happiness And Dreams Travel Agency.  Hi, my 8-months pregna…
...
Lobotomy
41
January 2022
I sit down at the lunch table with a pruning saw and a smile. “Well, boys, I finally did it. …
...
Psychic Argument
1
Psychic 1: I told you, I don’t know what happened to your dog! Psychic 2: Then why did I see…
...
Middle School Beauty
June 2018
Wendy Perkins is the hottest girl in the 7th grade. She reads at a 6th grade level, but her body i…
...
My Piece About What It Would Be Like If I Wrote A Piece for the FYC #
1
October 2020
– What started out as a frankly disgusting case of unbelievable obesity had snowballed into a…
...
My First Crush
November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
...
Crowdsourcing Request
December 2020
Hey Guys!I’m sending you this email to invite you to help with my crowdfunding campaign. I&r…
...
Bulimia Recovery Clinic
64
March 2022
My parents decided to send me to the public Bulimia Recovery Clinic over in Toad Suck, Arkansas the…