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Pieces

Squirrels
71
RYSL   •  
My ideal hangover cure is a lazy afternoon at the park, sipping on a cold beer and talking with the…
Ashes
11
JFAR '19-'22   •   March 2019
-Well hereeeee you go Mrs. Johnson — your very own son’s ashes. -Why, doctor, these as…
Gun Show
1
MAG '21-'22   •   July 2021
Turbus: And this here is the Heckler and Koch SR9, with extra bolt-action to make your kills absolu…
Male Introspection
124
AMC '23   •  
Chivalry is Dead
119
JGB '25   •   May 2023
When I mention this to women, they usually say it’s not dead it’s just changed with the…
Eugenics
ASB '17   •   December 2020
– Looks like your baby came out of the eugenics machine beautifully. – Doctor, that is…
2020 International Video Game Awards Acceptance Speech
10
JLG '21   •   October 2020
Oh, thank you, really thank you so much. This award…it truly means so much to me. Well, it l…
New Best Friend
361
SEH '26   •   May 2023
This guy Brian showed up in my shower last night. The water wasn’t on, he was just read…
Teacher’s Note
31
MFP '23-24   •   July 2021
Dear Parent, If you are receiving this note it means that your child has been enrolled in my class…
Smart Home
43
JGB '25   •   March 2023
Randy: (puts down bags) Ah, it’s good to be back. Jessica: Honey, turn on the lights, it&rsq…
Crazy Parents
4
JBO '10   •   October 2008
CRAZY PARENTS are a huge problem for all of us. But are your parents crazy in a comedy way, or a re…
No More Sheriffs
4
JFAR '19-'22   •   May 2018
Happy Saturday everyone – good to see you at the town meeting. All our sheriffs died last nig…
My Feminism
23
AJ '18   •   December 2020
Even though it’s harder than ever before to be a woman, it’s easier than ever to be a f…
Obituary
12
MAG '21-'22   •   July 2021
If you would’ve told me yesterday that I’d be writing an obituary for the guy in this…
Last Day at the Zoo
17
NSG '20-'22   •   December 2020
After serving as head zookeeper for 25 years and chief hunting assistant during a disastrous week-l…
Dear President
29
HJH '19   •   October 2019
Dear President, My name is Bradley and I am 8. I’m from Ohio and my mom won’t let me p…
Sleepy Sam
48
JRD '22-'23   •  
Coming soon to a theater near you… (upbeat music playing) Sam Shmorganstein is a zookeeper w…
Hamilton
140
JLN '21-22   •   October 2020
This is the real story of something that occurred to me in 2008. John Weidman ‘68: I hear we…
Waterboy
90
NGH '23   •   January 2022
It’s my first day as waterboy. The rest of staff is nowhere to be found, so I guess I gotta…
Yearbook Signing
10
MAG '21-'22   •   May 2021
-Hey Brad, want me to sign your yearbook? -Of course, Dylan! Good luck at Dartmouth next year. We&…